bummer monday

so i didn't get to work out on saturday.  nor did i get to do so on sunday.  to make the long story short, the hubby had some guests and i as the dutiful wife co-entertained them.  not that i didn't enjoy entertaining.  i did.  but i pretty much bumped off everything else in the schedule.  and when i finally had time. i was exhausted.

enter monday.  my supposedly getting back into schedule and planned routine.  which means my only window was lunch time today.  but this too was snatched away from me.  not that i didn't enjoy lunching with the hubby and his guests. but three days of no exercise! just when i had it going well!

tomorrow, i have pilates at lunch time, if i had nothing in the morning i would squeeze in gym time as well.  but still not THAT lucky.  i have an all-morning meeting.

so here's the plan: i will double up on friday and hopefully put in time on the weekend too.  to make up for the 2 days i missed.

good thing there won't be any guests any time soon. not that i do not enjoy entertaining. =P

so sue me.

go ahead. snicker.  laugh you arss off.  say i'm a liar.  never, ever believe me again.

but i did try.  i tried my best.  it just wasn't enough.  the health gods are conspiring against me, i think.

i did go to bed before it struck 12 last night.  and i woke up at 6am sharp.  i was raring to go.  but then, mommy life got in the way - i nebulized maxie even before i had the chance to wash my mouth.  housewifey-life got in the way- i had to prepare my second batch of vigan longganisa, it needs to cure, so i timed it for hubby's arrival on the weekend.  and lastly, work life got in the way.

i thought i could still squeeze in an hour of gym time before the admin. meeting we were having at noon.

the latter got so much in the way i had to ask my parents to do carpool duty so Miguela could go to school.  i even had to chew on my lunch of brown rice and meatballs while presenting performance appraisal forms to my colleagues at work.

when morning passed, i promised myself to go to the gym right after the meeting.

but a student arrived at 4pm asking to speak with me, then i had to wait for an instructor to finish his class at 5pm, and discuss the student's problem with him.

then i thought of running a few laps at the nearby park oval before it got too late.

but requests and vouchers needed to be approved one after another, emails needed to be sent, and so i did not see day turn into night.  i struggled to finish work that piled up in my inbox, and on my desk, and overflowing from my desk drawer; the result of a week or two of dedicating my time to mommy duties and home organization.

i finally started for home at quarter before 9pm.  if the gym wasn't gonna close in fifteen minutes time, i would have still gone to do an hour's worth.  but i instead headed home, vowing not to eat dinner on days when i miss working out.  like TODAY. 

valid excuses or not, i lost my one chance today.  but tomorrow is another day.  another chance at fighting this battle with my weight and everything that conspires with it.

so laugh if you must.  i know i'm gonna win this,  one day soon.

rice, my downfall

ever since it mattered, i have had a love-hate relationship with rice. 

i love how a great partner it is to most if not all of the main dishes i can think of.  Heck, i even pair it with other starchy food like potatoes or even noodles [shhh! that's our dirty little secret okay].

but i hate how it puts on curves on all my wrong places.  and so, i have successfully lessened its impact by always choosing brown rice.  even if most people hate it, i love brown rice.  but for the past 2 days, i've been a loser to the battle with white rice.

hubby is here and so i decided to open the big bag of basmati rice that has been sitting in the cupboard for months now.  well, actually hubby pointed it out to me, the fact that i never cooked it.  and so yesterday and today, i prepared basmati rice [the short way].

yesterday, i cooked it plain with just a hint of salt.  we paired it with fried left-over lechon and some soup.  today i cooked the basmati rice with dill herb and butter.  i paired it with baked dill chicken and an okra salad i invented inspired by the many recipes i found on the internet.

needless to say i had more than my usual 1 cup of brown rice and now i am feeling as guilty as ever, not to mention heavy on the belly.

maybe next time,  if i'm not too lazy, i'll cook it the traditional way [long way].  this get's rid of the heavy starch and will yield rice that is fluffy and light.  plus the extra work will justify the second cup i intend to eat when it's done. =P

i slipped

today.  not literally, though.

i've been good at keeping my latest promise which is - no eating white rice.  so i've been good since my last brown rice post, till today.  i ran out, of brown rice that is.  so i had white rice for lunch and for dinner.  dang!

oh well, atleast i did not go the extra mile and stuff myself full of it, =P

don't wait for it

that's what a friend told me last night.  it's been more than 2 weeks now and i don't see any visible results.  and i'm now on 25 squeezes every morning, straight, each day getting more difficult than the next.

but i don't need to drink a vitamin c supplement anymore.  and i go at least once a day now [major improvement, i tell you].  but i'm also taking kelp, vinegar, and lecithin which i get from healthy options.  i drink 2 tablets twice a day.  plus i take tea every night.

all i need to do is lay off on the sweets and carbs and start exercising.  yep, i admit, the pilates teacher hasn't seen my shadow since my last training package.  grrrrr.

so i try not to be so disappointed in me and push on even if i'm hating myself right now.  i refuse to go on a diet as i know i'll just go easy on it at the littlest sign of weight loss.  how do i change my eating habits and how do i motivate myself to move more?

how do i not wait for it?  how do i not look in the mirror and scrutinize at the reflection i see?  how do i win this fight?  will someone please give me an answer.

uncomfortable

yesterday i polished off half a pint of fruity yogurt, for breakfast i ate all of the remaining cottage cheese, the tub was still about half full.  and now 'm eating a cup of yogurt ice cream.

and that's just the healthy stuff.  i don't wanna report on the bad ones.  what's wrong with me.  where is my will.  today is the last day to sign up for pilates again, or else i'm officially a liar.

and it's only five more days till my brother's wedding.  my deadline is looming and i'm nowhere near my goal weight.

i have plenty excuses, plenty reasons to give myself a break.  with the kind of life i have right now, my weight is the last thing i should be worried about.

i must push on.  when do i lick this comfort food default mode.  when the going gets tough why do i reach for ice cream?

getting weaker and weaker

first it was concentrating on the modules i had to edit, i practically had to delete all of the stuff and encode new data! dang!

then i had to focus on family time as edwin just arrived from a 2-week stay out of town.

now i'm in the hospital watching over maxie who has been admitted for pneumonia since yesterday.

fitday.com for now is a thing of the past, and yes because it was my sole motivation, i'm slipping fast and hard. i've been eating sweets like there's no tomorrow. and eating full meals at that!

since sunday, ive been talking about popping diet pills to get some help, like a head start, of sorts.

there's this pill called 'goodliness', it's made in china and is quite cheap. and the results, the ones who have tried it say that it is very effective and you lose weight fast. but chinese products scare me so it's not my first choice right now.

the other one, the name of which i can't remember is a lot safer but kinda pricey cause its branded. and there are no side effects. 'goodliness' they say make your mouth dry and some people get hyper or palpitate. this branded one's only side effect is the small hole it might make in my pocket. small probably but a hole just the same.

plus, i would have to quit breastfeeding maxie, not that he gets much out of me anyway. but it's part of our bonding moments. maybe i'll wait till it hurts when he bites. gums, i can still take.

discipline, how do i keep it when lack of sleep drives me to hunger? and, exercise, when will i have the time?

i'm a slacker

so i bailed out on my calorie counting but it doesn't mean i cheated. i had a very healthy day today, mostly veggies and less carbs. lastnight wasn't bad either. too bad i wasn't able to record my nutritional intake.

for the record, i missed uploading updates in my food and activity logs since last night, but i'm too lazy to turn back and try to remember everything i put in my mouth. let's see if fitday will go crazy on my overview page.

anyways, i promise to resume the recording tomorrow.