motivation vs. failing miserably

i learned something about myself today.  i've been wondering why i often slide back to bad eating habits once i see a bit of an improvement in my weight.

it's like i'm rewarding myself with food, which is stupid of me, i know.  but food, to me, equals happiness.  and the sad thing is, my idea of great food covers the span of starchy food whether savoury or sweet, or even bland; heavy-weights such as pork meat; the delicate fruits of the sea; and all things chocolatey and comforting.  i've even grown to love tarts and pies ever since my sister learned how to make them.

so do you see my dilemma?  and don't try suggesting other forms of reward because if i have not made it obvious yet, food trumps them all.

what is comforting right now is that i have realized [and hopefully  it's not too late now] what motivates me to lose weight some more, and gain back my health and  achieve a fit body.  i noticed that i tend to have self-control when i intentionally get physically active, or when i take supplements which claim to help me lose weight.

maybe it's the money i spend, or the effort i give at working out, or both.  whatever.  so now i will WILL myself to concentrate on the amount of time i spend working-out, the suffering i endure [ha ha, so the dramaqueen], and the money that goes into it.

i NOW believe in this:

Exercise is a high life priority, so this a worthwhile place to spend some money if that helps.

and then try not to gloat at the measly progress i am making right now.

am i a strange person or what?

struggling positively

this is where i am right now.

and i'm glad i found these tips:

Eleven Tips for Exercising Regularly

1. Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week. Along the same lines …

2. If at all possible, exercise first thing in the morning. As the day wears on, you’ll find more excuses to skip exercising. Get it checked off your list, first thing.

3. Never skip exercising two days in a row. You can skip a day, but the next day, you must exercise, no matter how inconvenient.

4. Give yourself credit for the smallest effort. My father always said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes and close the door behind him. Many times, by promising myself I could quit ten minutes after I’d started, I got myself to start—and then found that I didn’t want to quit, after all.

5. Think about context. I thought I disliked weight training, but in fact, I dislike the guys who hang out in the weight-training area. Are you distressed about the grubby showers in your gym? Do you try to run in the mornings, but recoil from going out in the cold? Examine the factors that might be discouraging you from exercising.

6. Exercise several times a week. If your idea of exercise is to join games of pick-up basketball, you should be playing practically every day. Twice a month isn’t enough. 

7. If you don’t have time to both exercise and take a shower, find a way to exercise that doesn’t require you to shower afterward. Twice a week, I have a very challenging weight-training session, but the format I follow doesn’t make me sweat. (Some of you are saying, “It can’t be challenging if you don’t sweat!” Oh yes, believe me, it is.)

8. Look for affordable ways to make exercising more pleasant or satisfying. Could you upgrade to a nicer or more convenient gym? Buy yourself a new iPod? Work with a trainer? Get a pedometer to keep track of your walking distances? Exercise is a high life priority, so this a worthwhile place to spend some money if that helps.

9. Think of exercise as part of your essential preparation for times you want to be in especially fine form—whether in performance (to be sharp for an important presentation) or appearance (to look good for a wedding) or mood (to deal with a stressful situation). Studies show that exercise does help.

10. Remember one of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood, courtesy of Voltaire: Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Don’t decide it’s only worth exercising if you can run five miles or if you can bike for an hour. I have a friend who scorns exercise unless she’s training for a marathon—so she never exercises. Even going for a ten-minute walk is worthwhile. Do what you can.

11. Don’t kid yourself. Belonging to a gym doesn’t mean you go to the gym. Having been in shape in high school or college doesn’t mean you’re in shape now. Saying that you don’t have time to exercise doesn’t make it true.

i'm crossing my fingers that i have new updates regarding additional exercises on my very next post. =D

pathetic

yes.  that's what i think i am. right about now. and most probably up until i finally lose a respectable number of pounds in a respectable amount of time.

and to think i was in a self-congratulatory mood as i updated my stats to the right,  yes, i lost an additional 3 lbs, the weighing scale said.  but when i was looking over this blog, some facts dawned on me.

1. that i started this blog a year and a month 2 months ago, July 6, 2009; and
2. that i pegged my starting weight from about the time i gave birth to maxie; and
3. that i've written 40 crappy posts about this pitiful journey to fabu-loss-city or should i say Loser-ville with the capital L across my forehead; and [yes, i ain't done yet]
4. that if i computed the average, i just about lost a whopping 1 POUND PER MONTH. SHEESH!

what's worse is i think i'm the last to see how pathetic i've been.

needless to say, i am beet red with shame right now.  and for the record, i just want to declare that i'm not just pathetic, but that i am a fake.  a pathetic fake.  if someone will call me anything worse than that, i'm it.  i admit it.  what a loser! or should i say gainer!!! blecchh!

so i'm gonna get off my sorry a$$ now, and start doing something respectable so i can write something worth posting the next time.

note to future-self:  for the record, this post has nothing to do with my seeing pictures of my skinny self way back when i was not a fake. =P

updates, how velcro relates to weightloss, and my bad back

i'm off zytrim for now.  i'll see if i manage to lose some more weight without it.  i'm sticking with the brown rice but to be honest, it takes a back seat when basmati rice takes over the table.  good thing i discovered that basmati rice is actually ideal for diabetics [i still don't know if i am one, though]  because it is one type that has a medium glycemic index.  so maybe if i cook it the long way, the index will go much lower.

i'm now at home enjoying this lazy day because it's a special non-working holiday in our city.  the kids are alternately playing and watching barney.  too bad the hubby has to go and work up in the mountains.  we're hoping he will be back before it gets dark.

i'm happy to report another proof of weightloss.  i'm wearing new board shorts which has velcro as enclosure.  when i first wore it last june, the velcro burst open when sat down, i have not worn it since, which explains why the shorts is still new.  and today, i had to try it on because every other pair is still in the dirty clothes hamper.

it was quite roomy as i clasped both ends together, and did not budge a bit as i sat down.  more importantly, i feel comfy, and not about to turn blue for lack of air.  a sidenote: did you know that your asthma attack can be caused by wearing pants that are way too tight?  i had a friend in college who puffed away at her inhaler through out the day because vanity trumped comfort and well-being.

i missed 3 or 4 pilates sessions for different reasons.  the latest reason is because i have lower back pain, specifically in the 'small of the back' area.  it started a couple of days ago.  and the pain gets bad whenever i bend or try to carry maxie.  he has put on quite a lot of weight lately and i'm guessing the pain is because of that.  how should one carry one's really heavy baby anyway?  is there a proper way to do it?  i'd appreciate tips if any of you have one.

meanwhile, i move like a tired, old lady, stand up from my chair ever so slowly, and wonder if i should go see a doctor.  if this persists come monday, maybe i will. 

i got noticed

somebody finally noticed that i've lost a bit of weight.  maybe because i wore something not so loose and figure friendly and not to mention dark-colored. =P

of course i was happy.  it was confirmation that it wasn't just my imagination, playing tricks on me.  nor was i imagining that my 3 pairs of jeans have become really loose, i don't like wearing them anymore.

so brown rice did its work, the zytrim, at 15mg a day dosage helped a lot too, and so did the twice weekly pilates sessions. and maybe consciously saying no to empty sugars, stopping eating when i am short of feeling full helped too.

so yay! i'm kinda doing cartwheels in my head right this minute. =D

worth it

i'm drowning myself on a concoction i invented.  i don't even know if it is a valid mix.  but they are what i have and i wanted to drown fast.  so i fixed myself some bacardi and kahlua with ice.  which filled my coffee mug to the brim.  yes, i used my coffee mug.  don't ask why.

i know, its a lot of empty calories.  but compared to the mess i am in right now.  i know it is worth every bit of it.  not to mention, yummy too.  [ think i put too much of the kahlua].

anyways, on happier note, i discovered that heartache makes me not want to eat.  even if it makes me feel so damn hungry the whole time.  hungry and nervous, i've been in that state since this morning, well up until the cocktail invention kicked in and worked its purpose.

if you are wondering, yes i am intoxicated as i type this.  happily so.  good night then, here's to a hangover-free morning when i open mine dry eyes at day break.... =P

rice, my downfall

ever since it mattered, i have had a love-hate relationship with rice. 

i love how a great partner it is to most if not all of the main dishes i can think of.  Heck, i even pair it with other starchy food like potatoes or even noodles [shhh! that's our dirty little secret okay].

but i hate how it puts on curves on all my wrong places.  and so, i have successfully lessened its impact by always choosing brown rice.  even if most people hate it, i love brown rice.  but for the past 2 days, i've been a loser to the battle with white rice.

hubby is here and so i decided to open the big bag of basmati rice that has been sitting in the cupboard for months now.  well, actually hubby pointed it out to me, the fact that i never cooked it.  and so yesterday and today, i prepared basmati rice [the short way].

yesterday, i cooked it plain with just a hint of salt.  we paired it with fried left-over lechon and some soup.  today i cooked the basmati rice with dill herb and butter.  i paired it with baked dill chicken and an okra salad i invented inspired by the many recipes i found on the internet.

needless to say i had more than my usual 1 cup of brown rice and now i am feeling as guilty as ever, not to mention heavy on the belly.

maybe next time,  if i'm not too lazy, i'll cook it the traditional way [long way].  this get's rid of the heavy starch and will yield rice that is fluffy and light.  plus the extra work will justify the second cup i intend to eat when it's done. =P