the 'before' me

alright.  i'm gonna post something i've never done before, a very unflattering picture of me.  no edits, no photoshop.  i might as well be naked here.  i just wanted to sort of give validity to this blog and to introduce myself to those who read me but don't have an idea how big i am, lol.

this is your untypical 'before' picture.  for one, it isn't a full body shot.  more important, i am smiling and happy.  not a pretty sight though.  i can list down all the flaws i see but that would go on forever.  and besides, saying my imperfections out loud will just get me depressed.  but, i chose this because this is me now.  all 167 lbs. of me [as the weighing scale said].  and looking at the pic makes me smile because of the memory it brings, a jolly good time with dear friends, sorry i had to crop you out guys.

i hope there will be an 'after' pic, and that i would look absolutely fabulous.  of course, with no photoshop editing required.  that would be when i'm forty.  yes, i intend to be fabulous at forty.  [that's about a year and a half from now].

here's to showing you a better pic come july 9, my 'midway-through-the-hurdle' goal date.  bottoms up the night time tea! =D

i slipped

today.  not literally, though.

i've been good at keeping my latest promise which is - no eating white rice.  so i've been good since my last brown rice post, till today.  i ran out, of brown rice that is.  so i had white rice for lunch and for dinner.  dang!

oh well, atleast i did not go the extra mile and stuff myself full of it, =P

overcoming plateaus

should be easier than scaling a mountain, right?  instead it is one of the most difficult things to win.  for many, it's the last 5 or 10 pounds to lose.  for me, it is the stoppage of progress.  the part when you stop losing weight even if you continue doing what made you lose [or should i say win?] in the first place.

so i guess i went with it and stopped trying for a while.  now i'm back on track.  i finally drove myself to the pilates center first thing after leaving the house.  i renewed my 'contract' and my next session starts at 2pm on wednesday.

he he, there's nothing like shame to get me going again.  i gotta save face. =P

delicious brown rice

the secret?  follow the instructions that come with it.  no instructions?  here's how to make that once-is-enough-coarse-and-bland-tasting but oh-so-much healthier version of that thing you can't live without:

1. rice to water ratio - 1:2, that means if you cook 4 cups of rice, you will need 8 cups of water [yes, its that much]
2. add a bit of salt to taste [optional, i don't feel the need though]
3. soak it in the water for an hour before you hit the cooker switch.

i promise you soft but firm morsels akin to the arborio variety we adore.

savor every spoonful. =D

p.s. you can mix it with wild black rice like i did as you see in the picture, that is if you like a hint of  nuttiness.

don't wait for it

that's what a friend told me last night.  it's been more than 2 weeks now and i don't see any visible results.  and i'm now on 25 squeezes every morning, straight, each day getting more difficult than the next.

but i don't need to drink a vitamin c supplement anymore.  and i go at least once a day now [major improvement, i tell you].  but i'm also taking kelp, vinegar, and lecithin which i get from healthy options.  i drink 2 tablets twice a day.  plus i take tea every night.

all i need to do is lay off on the sweets and carbs and start exercising.  yep, i admit, the pilates teacher hasn't seen my shadow since my last training package.  grrrrr.

so i try not to be so disappointed in me and push on even if i'm hating myself right now.  i refuse to go on a diet as i know i'll just go easy on it at the littlest sign of weight loss.  how do i change my eating habits and how do i motivate myself to move more?

how do i not wait for it?  how do i not look in the mirror and scrutinize at the reflection i see?  how do i win this fight?  will someone please give me an answer.

uncomfortable

yesterday i polished off half a pint of fruity yogurt, for breakfast i ate all of the remaining cottage cheese, the tub was still about half full.  and now 'm eating a cup of yogurt ice cream.

and that's just the healthy stuff.  i don't wanna report on the bad ones.  what's wrong with me.  where is my will.  today is the last day to sign up for pilates again, or else i'm officially a liar.

and it's only five more days till my brother's wedding.  my deadline is looming and i'm nowhere near my goal weight.

i have plenty excuses, plenty reasons to give myself a break.  with the kind of life i have right now, my weight is the last thing i should be worried about.

i must push on.  when do i lick this comfort food default mode.  when the going gets tough why do i reach for ice cream?

updates, a bit of a review, and a sour face

no, i still have not gone back to the pilates center, but i promise i will by next week.  call me a liar if i don't, i give you that opportunity. =D

i don't remember if i already 'fessed up about my trying out Xenical, but i did, since about a week or 2 ago.  i officially started it when the monthly thing started.  i was thinking since i'll be wearing pads, might as well hit 2 birds with one stone [he he, i'm grossing myself out, blechh]

true enough It [Xenical] did its thing and because i did not lay off on the oily and fatty food... you get it.

but it's too much work, having to change every so often, and the fear of you know what coming out of you know where is way too much added tension on my already stressful day.  so, i've decided that i'll only take It during that week in the month.  i don't know if it will still be effective but so far i'm liking what i'm seeing in the mirror.

what i've replaced it with is the new korean tea i'm drinking before going to bed at night, and my morning calamansi shot [15 squeezed, straight up].

the calamansi thing is an advise that i've been getting every so often from way back.  it resurfaced when my recently married friend said that she took 20 every morning and still ate regularly .  her whistle-worthy figure in her wedding dress [mind you, no corsets involved] was major motivation to try it out.  i'm on day 2 now and it's not as bad nor as mukhasim as you think.  try it, i'm starting with fifteen, on an empty stomach, not even water.  i'll move it up to 20 on monday.  undesirable side effects?  so far only one, no upset stomachs, no queasiness, just the super sour taste which will give you a super sour face for a few seconds.  drink up!

sour-faced girl borrowed from here