committed and hopeful

it's so easy to brush off your work-out schedule when all the other aspects of life demand your time and presence.  it's so easy to say that worrying and stressing about all your activities coming one after the other because there aren't enough hours in the day is a VALID REASON to put off working out for yet another day, [again!].

i did that last week.  and i let it happen the week before that.  in fact, i've been doing just that for so many years now.

and now, i see what years of neglect has done to me.  everyday, i suffer the consequence of having so many excuses not to exercise. i have to look at the mirror too you know. =P

but this week i put my foot down.  i stuck to my plan with all my might and i treated each work-out session as if it was the most important thing i was going to do that day, not the meeting with my colleagues, not the errands, not even relaxing time with my newly-arrived hubby. [yes, and i am sure he is OKAY with it. he he.]

i did not cancel on myself.  and i am happy, and proud, and hopeful.

i am hopeful that the image looking right back at me from where i run on the treadmill will not look as sorry ass it did today.[lol, i couldn't help it. =P]

i am hopeful that someday i will float and stand like everybody else in spinning class and not have to endure the pain of the seat pushing against my butt [seriously!] because it is too heavy for me to lift[my butt, not the seat].

and i am hopeful that as the weeks pass, each day will get more challenging but not pathetically so.

tomorrow i have pilates.  and on saturday, my third gym session for the week.  i am indeed hopeful.

i survived...

...my pilates class.

it was tough for 2 reasons:

1. i return from a week of absence.
2. i only had 4 hours of sleep, and i need 8 to not turn into princess fiona. 

finalmente!

sono cosi felice!

I am this happy!

yes.  i finally made it to the gym.  signed up for a month, paid the fee, worked out for an hour.

now for the gory details:

• the gym scale was not on my side [ i prefer the one at my kids' pedia].  but in the interest of being upfront, it read 172 lbs. arrrgh!
• i did 40 minutes on the treadmill
• and 25 minutes on the elliptical, and on the last three minutes i seriously considered hanging my whole body onto the handlebars.
• i got dizzy when i got off both machines, which the gym instructor said was normal.  maybe he thought i was THAT unfit.
• my ridiculous moment for today: i unintentionally suddenly shut down the treadmill at 25 minutes when curiosity got the better of me and i lifted the magnetic thingy which was attached to a string which was attached to the machine.  it turned out to be the emergency stop thingy. hence the ditzyness, i mean dizziness.
• tomorrow i resume my pilates class. yipee-ya-yey!

couscous in my tummy

so i cleaned out my ref, and unearthed some ingredients which have been hybernating in it since more than just a couple of years.  one of this was a half a packet of couscous which i refused to throwaway even if it was beyond the best before date, why?  because they were sooo expensive when i bought them and my nose didn't smell anyting funny when i did the sniff test.

so now, these ingredients are now waiting in line on the kitchen counter, either to die or be transformed into something palatable [if i make it to them before they die.]

i checked her out today, she's one of my faves in a new blogroll, and her post made me remember the couscous on my kitchen counter line-up.
wanting to experience the same healthy and cleansing properties of eating a meat-free meal, i stir-fried whatever i had in the ref and in the pantry  which i thought would be great with the couscous.  and i came up with an instant hit, even my kasambahay who are not a bit adventurous and are fearful of unfamiliar food couldn't get enough of it.  the finished product was practically gone in no time.

here's what i did.

and here's how i did it.

updates and lotsa links in between! =D

i had a haircut! or was it just a trim... i found her and fell in love with her hair and since i've been meaning to change my hairstyle i went and had my newly found hairstylist, Jules try and make me look like her.  of course i know i don't look a bit like her, even now, when my hair kinda looks like hers.  but i'm lovin' the look of my locks.  i can't won't show you a pic because my face is still fat and pudgy. =P

and i bought my second issue of Women's Health magazine to help boost my growing enthusiasm to move my butt.  i remember, when i was still active, i practically hoarded Muscle and Fitness Hers magazines in the effort to learn how to lift weights the correct way and in proper form.  i was so obsessed with weight-lifting  that i felt the need to read up and learn. Nooo, I never aspired to become muscular nor did i want to look like a she-man, i just wanted to do IT right.  i learned a lot by reading and i even was able to design my own work-out to achieve the muscle definition i wanted, which wasn't really much compared to the women in the magazines. [you can go pick up your dropped jaws now, that story, though true, belongs to my past life]

so, here i am reading up again, a bit sad that i must start from the 'aspiring' level.  but i must start somewhere, and in keeping with my 'new' life as a mother and the fact that i am rushing into the big 4-O, i must have a plan.  I WILL BE FIT AND FABULOUS AT FORTY.

it's not all words you know, the brown rice i've been eating must be something really good because despite the lack of effort at getting more physical in the past few weeks; despite the food binges; and despite the lack of artificial help [read:weight-loss pills], i have not gained weight and quite a few people have noticed the itty bit of weight i have somehow managed to still lose despite all of the above.

so, here's the first part of the plan:

• i continue my twice a week pilates sessions
• i start my thrice a week 30-minute cardio exercises tomorrow; my options being: walking around the subdivision when i wake up early enough; walking on the track at the gym if my free time falls on hot early afternoon hours; walking on the park oval if it falls at dusk. if all else fails, i do my old DVD work-out routine in the living room area.

if it wasn't almost midnight now, and if i did not have a really late dinner, i'd have switched on the DVD and started RIGHT NOW.

i will do this for 2 weeks and  up the ante every two weeks.  i'm loosely basing my plan on the Ultimate Fitness Plan 2010 plan i found on one of the issues of Women's Health magazine.  i say loosely because i do not have all the paraphernalia they require and i don't intend to spend on extras just yet when i know fully well that i can do other routines that do not require buying anything.

i'm writing this down here because this is Ben's number 1 advice.

So help me God.

running is probably a really good idea

so, i know i said i'll see you next week, but this temporary[?] obstacle of not being able to even attend my second pilates schedule sort of made me think study the possibility of starting a form of exercise that i kinda shunned since i grew mammary glands.

i've been letting it stew in my brain for days now, and i've even read up a bit on the possibility.  yes, i'm talking about running.  and finding the right sports bra wouldn't be a problem anymore, i think.

i remember loving the adrenalin rush after a good run when i was a kid.  i loved the wind on my face, the loud beating of my heart, and the pride i felt whenever i finished first or was ahead of every other kid i raced with.  and i'm not even talking about formal runs nor anything involving race tracks.  we just loved running when we were kids, so it was a huge part of play time: from taga-taga-anay or Tag to sprinting towards imaginary finish lines.  i don't have a childhood play date memory that did not involve running around.

during my active days [read: younger years, my 20's to be exact], i used to be a gym rat. i loved pumping up with weights, but for cardio exercises, the most i would do was walk on the treadmill, speed walk was something i would do rarely.  running hurt too much and the fear of sagging breasts instantly made me cross off any work out which involved running.  plus, the right 'protective' wear was beyond what my measly salary could afford.  but now that going back to the gym is becoming an unattractive option as the days [weeks] pass on, i'm thinking of taking up an altogether new thing.  and running just came to mind.

i don't need coordinated sports wear, i already have a pair of cross-trainers which i think will do for a beginner like me.  and the thought of cool air rushing at me is so much more pleasing compared to sweating it out in any old [or sparkling new] gym.  i know i am asthmatic, but it hasn't stopped runners from winning races.  of course i don't intend to race at all, well, just probably with myself for now.  i don't intend to land in the hospital ever again due to over exertion [yes, believe it or not i had to be admitted due to exercise-induced-severe-asthma attack which in turn ended my unhealthy love affair with the gym, but that's a whole other story.]

so,

does anyone know of a local [davao city] runners group who welcome asthmatic and overweight but REALLY interested beginners like me?  i would love to join YOU please. =D

crap!

the period arrived this morning.

now, i can't even go to pilates class.  even nature is against me!

see you next week blog. >(

so sue me.

go ahead. snicker.  laugh you arss off.  say i'm a liar.  never, ever believe me again.

but i did try.  i tried my best.  it just wasn't enough.  the health gods are conspiring against me, i think.

i did go to bed before it struck 12 last night.  and i woke up at 6am sharp.  i was raring to go.  but then, mommy life got in the way - i nebulized maxie even before i had the chance to wash my mouth.  housewifey-life got in the way- i had to prepare my second batch of vigan longganisa, it needs to cure, so i timed it for hubby's arrival on the weekend.  and lastly, work life got in the way.

i thought i could still squeeze in an hour of gym time before the admin. meeting we were having at noon.

the latter got so much in the way i had to ask my parents to do carpool duty so Miguela could go to school.  i even had to chew on my lunch of brown rice and meatballs while presenting performance appraisal forms to my colleagues at work.

when morning passed, i promised myself to go to the gym right after the meeting.

but a student arrived at 4pm asking to speak with me, then i had to wait for an instructor to finish his class at 5pm, and discuss the student's problem with him.

then i thought of running a few laps at the nearby park oval before it got too late.

but requests and vouchers needed to be approved one after another, emails needed to be sent, and so i did not see day turn into night.  i struggled to finish work that piled up in my inbox, and on my desk, and overflowing from my desk drawer; the result of a week or two of dedicating my time to mommy duties and home organization.

i finally started for home at quarter before 9pm.  if the gym wasn't gonna close in fifteen minutes time, i would have still gone to do an hour's worth.  but i instead headed home, vowing not to eat dinner on days when i miss working out.  like TODAY. 

valid excuses or not, i lost my one chance today.  but tomorrow is another day.  another chance at fighting this battle with my weight and everything that conspires with it.

so laugh if you must.  i know i'm gonna win this,  one day soon.

good night

yep, i'm going to bed right after this post [which is way earlier than usual] because i intend to go to the gym and sign up first thing in the morning.  no more excuses, no more delays.

i think i've said enough, this week just didn't work out the way i wanted it to, like last week and the week before that.  but i'm holding tomorrow by the neck. and by hook or by crook i will burn calories tomorrow. morning.

so, i've been busy with one of my other blogs so you can't say i've been lazy with my postings.  i've finally also put my self to work on my secret obsession [which isn't so secret anymore].   so you see, i have not been lazy.  do you see a pattern here? i'm trying to get every aspect of my life into shape, and i've been documenting it.  i hope i'm not coming down with a disorder or something. =P

and before i call it a night, i would like to share something i read a while ago that made me go, "ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE, YOU BETTER START MOVING YOUR BUTT FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING!"  Go check her out first here and then here.  she just might give you the push you need too.

you can all thank me later. =D

motivation vs. failing miserably

i learned something about myself today.  i've been wondering why i often slide back to bad eating habits once i see a bit of an improvement in my weight.

it's like i'm rewarding myself with food, which is stupid of me, i know.  but food, to me, equals happiness.  and the sad thing is, my idea of great food covers the span of starchy food whether savoury or sweet, or even bland; heavy-weights such as pork meat; the delicate fruits of the sea; and all things chocolatey and comforting.  i've even grown to love tarts and pies ever since my sister learned how to make them.

so do you see my dilemma?  and don't try suggesting other forms of reward because if i have not made it obvious yet, food trumps them all.

what is comforting right now is that i have realized [and hopefully  it's not too late now] what motivates me to lose weight some more, and gain back my health and  achieve a fit body.  i noticed that i tend to have self-control when i intentionally get physically active, or when i take supplements which claim to help me lose weight.

maybe it's the money i spend, or the effort i give at working out, or both.  whatever.  so now i will WILL myself to concentrate on the amount of time i spend working-out, the suffering i endure [ha ha, so the dramaqueen], and the money that goes into it.

i NOW believe in this:

Exercise is a high life priority, so this a worthwhile place to spend some money if that helps.

and then try not to gloat at the measly progress i am making right now.

am i a strange person or what?

struggling positively

this is where i am right now.

and i'm glad i found these tips:

Eleven Tips for Exercising Regularly

1. Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week. Along the same lines …

2. If at all possible, exercise first thing in the morning. As the day wears on, you’ll find more excuses to skip exercising. Get it checked off your list, first thing.

3. Never skip exercising two days in a row. You can skip a day, but the next day, you must exercise, no matter how inconvenient.

4. Give yourself credit for the smallest effort. My father always said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes and close the door behind him. Many times, by promising myself I could quit ten minutes after I’d started, I got myself to start—and then found that I didn’t want to quit, after all.

5. Think about context. I thought I disliked weight training, but in fact, I dislike the guys who hang out in the weight-training area. Are you distressed about the grubby showers in your gym? Do you try to run in the mornings, but recoil from going out in the cold? Examine the factors that might be discouraging you from exercising.

6. Exercise several times a week. If your idea of exercise is to join games of pick-up basketball, you should be playing practically every day. Twice a month isn’t enough. 

7. If you don’t have time to both exercise and take a shower, find a way to exercise that doesn’t require you to shower afterward. Twice a week, I have a very challenging weight-training session, but the format I follow doesn’t make me sweat. (Some of you are saying, “It can’t be challenging if you don’t sweat!” Oh yes, believe me, it is.)

8. Look for affordable ways to make exercising more pleasant or satisfying. Could you upgrade to a nicer or more convenient gym? Buy yourself a new iPod? Work with a trainer? Get a pedometer to keep track of your walking distances? Exercise is a high life priority, so this a worthwhile place to spend some money if that helps.

9. Think of exercise as part of your essential preparation for times you want to be in especially fine form—whether in performance (to be sharp for an important presentation) or appearance (to look good for a wedding) or mood (to deal with a stressful situation). Studies show that exercise does help.

10. Remember one of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood, courtesy of Voltaire: Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Don’t decide it’s only worth exercising if you can run five miles or if you can bike for an hour. I have a friend who scorns exercise unless she’s training for a marathon—so she never exercises. Even going for a ten-minute walk is worthwhile. Do what you can.

11. Don’t kid yourself. Belonging to a gym doesn’t mean you go to the gym. Having been in shape in high school or college doesn’t mean you’re in shape now. Saying that you don’t have time to exercise doesn’t make it true.

i'm crossing my fingers that i have new updates regarding additional exercises on my very next post. =D