motivation vs. failing miserably

i learned something about myself today.  i've been wondering why i often slide back to bad eating habits once i see a bit of an improvement in my weight.

it's like i'm rewarding myself with food, which is stupid of me, i know.  but food, to me, equals happiness.  and the sad thing is, my idea of great food covers the span of starchy food whether savoury or sweet, or even bland; heavy-weights such as pork meat; the delicate fruits of the sea; and all things chocolatey and comforting.  i've even grown to love tarts and pies ever since my sister learned how to make them.

so do you see my dilemma?  and don't try suggesting other forms of reward because if i have not made it obvious yet, food trumps them all.

what is comforting right now is that i have realized [and hopefully  it's not too late now] what motivates me to lose weight some more, and gain back my health and  achieve a fit body.  i noticed that i tend to have self-control when i intentionally get physically active, or when i take supplements which claim to help me lose weight.

maybe it's the money i spend, or the effort i give at working out, or both.  whatever.  so now i will WILL myself to concentrate on the amount of time i spend working-out, the suffering i endure [ha ha, so the dramaqueen], and the money that goes into it.

i NOW believe in this:

Exercise is a high life priority, so this a worthwhile place to spend some money if that helps.

and then try not to gloat at the measly progress i am making right now.

am i a strange person or what?