Mastercleanse Day 6

Today was easy in the sense that i didn't do much of anything that was work-related.  i attended my daughter's family day activity in school and then came home with them early afternoon;  cooked my thankfully-not-over-cured-ham, which i was supposed to cook two days ago; and set the table for a dinner of take-out roast chicken [Chooks-to-go, the kiddos' favorite!]

It was also easy food-wise.  until now i marvel at my ability to say no to every food item that came into my path today.  For example, the lunch buffet, which i had to get for Ate Kat and my son and daughter, was: steaming hot rice, chicken cordon bleu, baked macaroni, pork barbecue, and an array of other dishes i opted not to get.  Oh and did i mention there was lechon also?  i sat with them, fed my daughter, Guela while Ate Kat tried to feed my son, Maxie.  I watched as all the other families partook of the delicious fare.  I sipped my juice contentedly amazed at how my mouth kept from bubbling over with envy.  =P

Didn't i want to eat?  of course i did.  Did i not find the sight and aroma of food tempting?  of course i did.  so what gives?  i had not eaten for 6 whole days!  i must be starving! but i wasn't.

as i try to reflect on my self-control, i am reminded of moments in the past when i see skinny women naturally pass up all the delicious food in front of them and contentedly nibble on greens or sip on hot tea.  and i think to myself, so this must be how easy it is for them.  so this must be how they feel when turning down food being offered to them. without batting an eyelash.  a friend told me this afternoon, as i was telling her about my disbelief at my own self-control, that i was simply determined.

maybe i am.  just that.  determined.  maybe i really am really sick of a bulging belly.  maybe i am really already tired of having to drag around my heavy body.  and maybe i also am sick and tired of looking at the mirror and hating what i see.

i wonder now if i can carry this through.  i actually dread when day 10 comes.  when i have to start eating again.  i honestly never thought i would come this far.  but probably the shame of giving up and failing again [for the nth time] was as much of a motivation to push on.

i know when i started this Mastercleanse i said i was doing it to detoxify my body of all the toxins i've accumulated over the years.  but one strong factor was that it promised weight loss.  and that it was a very good jump start to finally lose some serious excess weight.  i chose this among other ways because i found that everything else i did: exercise, no-rice diet, no sodas just did not work out the way they did when i was much younger.  so i needed a big change, a sort of major-start-over strategy.  hence this.

i still have much to lose in terms of weight.  and i know that one wrong move will mean regaining everything i lost so far in no time, and put me back to square one.  but i do not want to go back there anymore. ever.  right now i feel strong and in control.  what if after this cleanse i will lose all will power and just surrender to my weakness - after all, i am actually one of those people who LIVE TO EAT.  Food is the highlight of my day.

i guess only time will tell.  Day 7, bring it on.