goodbye

i guess some color, theme, and title changes are not enough for my new journey.  i have decided to move on and move out.  this blog has been a never-ending roller coaster ride that has turned into a vicious cycle.

so i bow out of here.  if you still believe in me, you can check in on my progress here.

thank you for reading, cheering, and maybe even snickering.

the race. begins. now. see you at my big bash!

one strategy at a time

when i decided to get serious about becoming fit and healthy, about the time when i actively began posting again this year, i never thought it would be this difficult.  or maybe it would be better to say, i never thought it would take a lot to stay motivated at exercising and re-inventing my eating habits.

if i look back, not so long ago, it seems like i'm always starting something and never really am successful at maintaining what i set out to do.  and its not like i did not even try because i did.  it is just that i still have not found that exercise regimen which will fit the life i have right now.  and the most difficult of all is to constantly say NO to grazing and binge eating.  i also cannot bring myself to eat all the recommended foods in most [if not all] of the diet programmes i researched on.  because they always involve extra expenses and additional work, both of which is too much for my already full hands right now.

so two things, i GOTTA do:

1. i gotta get a hold of my self-control and not let it fly out the window the minute i see food.  i gotta lick my love for food, specifically my love for starches and pork.
2. i gotta find THAT exercise regimen which i need badly to lose the belly fat, huge amounts of it, i tell you!  i know it should involve cardio/aerobic work-outs but something not hard on my weak knee and does not involve wearing a swimsuit please.

i found/discovered three things whilst staying cooped up in this hospital room:

1. i can exercise at home. lifestyle channel has a 5:30am program daily.  so that means i need to wake up EARLY to join in on the action.
2. Jillian Michaels, that terror of a boot camp trainor of 'who's the biggest loser?' fame.
3. a cool routine tip from discovery no. 2 - exercise with a pack of cards [more on this later]. this is for when i don't catch the early morning show in no. 1

we are going home the day after tomorrow.  i'm kinda excited to start again.  i actually tried some routines last night, i stopped at 5 reps, my arms hurt and i couldn't lift my butt without endangering the hospital furniture.

today is my birthday and i am 39 years old.  and i'm spending it in a hospital room.  with my daughter who is recovering from a severe case of bacteremia.  we were here since oct. 28 and will have to stick it out here for another 3 days.  the antibiotics she is being treated with is only available in vials and can only be administered intravenously.  she is out of danger now.  Thanks be to God!

i on the other hand am in danger of sabotaging my weight-loss efforts.  although i am not [yet] stuffing my self sick with food, i am eating more often and unhealthy take-out food at that.  i blame it on stress and boredom and sleeplessness and pathetic internet connection for now.

so, i hope to get back on track soon.  on a more positive note, i have been able to analyze my fitness persona [or the lack of it] and am now trying to psyche myself into losing girth and weight.  i'm crossing my fingers i finally nail it this time around. 

yesterday i stopped taking note of what i ate, instead i just kept on being mindful of what i ate.  taking care to not overeat and continue with my no-white-rice diet.

i also have successfully avoided dessert pastries and i hope i can keep on with my birthday nearing and the christmas season coming in.  i cannot claim that i have stopped drinking sodas and eating sweets altogether but because of the conscious effort i am happy to report that i have kept it at a minimum.

my waterloo instead is my love for starchy food.  the whiter the better, ha ha.  i love rich, dense bread, pasta of all kinds, and yes, white rice.

last night i had a spoonful of it and i was reminded of how comforting and delicious it is when paired with the right food [which simply means everything else].  but i'm glad i stopped myself at that one spoonful.

i also love pork very much, especially when it is tender and with just the right amount of fat.  and pork to me is best paired with white rice.  think lechon and a steaming cup of rice.  or pork tonkatsu as topping to a hot bowl of japanese rice.  or even nilagang baboy isn't complete if you don't have at least a cup of white rice with it.  and chicharon, have you tried it with left-over rice?

according to any and all weight-loss diets ever created and written, this is the most sinful of combinations.  this is the pairing that is so calorie-dense that it will sabotage weeks of conscientious dieting.

so why, oh why is something that tastes so good sooo, sooo bad for us? especially to apple-shaped women like me.  and do you know that whenever i attend parties, i bypass all of the other attractive and dishes served in favor of lechon and plain white rice.  to me, nothing can beat the satisfaction of crunchy roasted pork rind, pure almost bland tender slice of meat and a spoonful of white rice.  with or without the sauce that comes with it, it is perfection.

pardon this rant of a post.  i turned away from succulent lechon being hawked at the mall at dinnertime yesterday and for lunch today i only had 2 rolls of meatless fresh lumpia.  and not even a grain of brown rice with it.

day 9

of my 30-day challenge.

today was an epic fail in all accounts.  i did no exercise and i ate way too much than i should have.  i have reasons but i won't make any excuses.  i almost was not going to post anything today, out of shame.  but i promised not to lie, so here i am.

and there's one thing, i can't decide if it's a good or bad discovery.  i just finished reading this book

it has now changed how i thought being fit and healthy should be.  and it TOTALLY compromises the challenge i have embarked on.  and now i honestly don't know how to go on.

i want to do aerobic exercises as it says i should but i don't know of any which won't worsen my knee problem.  swimming is not an option.  the one thing, pilates, which makes me sweat and which works my muscles sore is way too expensive to do everyday.

and it also says i should be eating a mostly carbo-filled diet and a moderate intake of  fat and protein.  the exact opposite of what i thought was good for me.and that the focus should not be in the weight loss but on my waistline [gulp].

i feel miserable right now.  but i won't quit.  somehow, i'm going to get ME back.  i just have to find my way.

the only good thing about today is i finished reading ben from start to present and he is so inspiring, i wanted to put on my sweats and head for the gym.  but my upset stomach and STILL bad knee held me back.

so i'm changing up the challenge a bit.  it will no longer be a "no this if no that" thing.  it will simply be a challenge to just DO IT and this is still day 9 of course.  so here goes.

Target weight: 125 lbs.
Target waistline: 28
Target Date: November 1, 2011, my 40th birthday

side note:  i needed a change of title as well. i hope i do it justice.

day 8

of my 30-day challenge.

boy am i glad yesterday didn't count as cheat day because today unwittingly became one.  i did not eat rice yes but i ate a lot.  a little of this and a little of that, ends up a lot.  that i don't, can't, remember each and every item that i shoved into my mouth.

so i won't make a food report.  and yes i'm cheating cause i declare today as my cheat day,  and i'm going to make up for my pigging out tomorrow.  rest assured my binge did not include any dessert, nor a grain of rice.

today's realization:

• i have to find a way to get rid of my clean-plate mentality, and no throwing-out of food mentality.  i can't seem to stand the thought of wasting food even if i am confronted with the most unpalatable dish ever [unless i have an aversion to it's aroma, of course]
• i must, must learn to say no, NO, NO, NO.

Day 7

of my 30 day challenge.

i wasn't able to update last night because i got home really late.  after watching eat, pray, love.  alone. on last full show.  ha ha ha.  i had a silly grin on my face from when i got up from my seat as the credits rolled, all the way to the almost empty parking lot.  but that story belongs to another blog.  so, on with my 1-day-late report.

so yesterday being a sunday was my cheat day.  but because i had my pilates the day before, it didn't really feel like cheat day.  i don't think i made a huge dent on my diet.

i'm feeling good about my self-discipline when it comes to eating lately  so i think it's time to tighten the belt  so to speak [pun super-intended], so i am going to up the ante on this challenge in a while.

but first,

• at 8 am i had the breakfast of champions and my morning coffee
• lunch at noon was a serving of my left over creamy squash soup over a half cup of corn grits and an egg
• i was famished by 3pm, so i ordered myself a heavy mid-afternoon snack of a big cervelat and a small siding of warm potato salad.  i dredged each yummy bite of sausage with their really good mustard [edmond fallot].  and i had another mug of coffee, this time brewed.
• we had a dinner meeting at a filipino restaurant and i am proud to say that it was not difficult to NOT eat rice.  i had salad greens with mango salsa, a small cup of molo soup, mixed veggies, and a few slices of pata tim. i mopped up the sauce with a slice and a half of the bread that came with it.  the bread was heavenly and i suspected calorific so i stopped myself from reaching for more.

what i learned this week:

1.  that it is INDEED good to write down what you eat.  it helps a lot because it makes you aware of what you put into your mouth.  doing it in a blog makes you feel more accountable even if you know not many people read you.  i did not know that saving-face can be a good weight-loss tool.
2. that you can control how much you eat by pacing yourself.  it is very dangerous to let myself get really hungry because i WILL eat calorie-dense food.  my brain will not function when i am that hungry so i will end up wasting all that effort.  and the self-loathing that comes immediately after sucks big time.  i'm glad i had that occasional banana and cereal bar to tide miyself over to dinner time.
3. that if you have a really light dinner, you have to accept that you should drink something hot before going to bed because you will wake-up in the middle of the night with a rumbly stomach.  by the way, i forgot to write this,  that night i slept hungry, i think the other day, the one where i had salad greens for dinner, i downed a handful of peanuts and a glass of water at 2am, or i wouldn't have been able to go back to sleep.
4. that discipline grows on you.  i said no to dessert so many times this week, i lost count.  i wanted to go for seconds many times but i didn't.  i unintentionally ended up with something sweet [i ordered a cold raspberry green tea, requesting the staff not to add sugar/sweetener] to drink with my salad that other night.  i only drank half of it because they forgot my request, and the i found it too sweet.
5. that it's okay to tweak this challenge if it will make it a better challenge. the tweaks i will post later just because. =P

Day 6

of my 30 day challenge.

today was good.  in more ways than one.

let me get the food diary out of the way, i had:

• coffee and the breakfast of champions in the morning
• this for lunch:

creamy squash soup over con grits and sprinkled with chili flakes

• a banana and a cereal bar as late-afternoon snack
• a salad of mesclun greens with parma ham, goat cheese, shavings of parmesan cheese, cherry tomatoes drizzled in vinaigrette.  it was delish!!! [note to self for next time:  ask the waiter to serve the dressing separately so i consume less of it.]

on to more good news:

• one of the pilates instructors commented that i lost a considerable amount of weight from when i first started [a few months ago].  yipee!  and he gave me further tips on how to lose more weight gradually.  he gave me the no-no about not eating carbs, i should be happy, i guess.
• i met an online friend who is my most supportive cheerer in the weight-loss department, and she is the reason i had salad for dinner.  i can just imagine if we lived in the same city, either i'm now as slim as she is or we won't be friends anymore, ha ha ha.  i actually fear her.  i mean that in a good way. =P
•  i did some new routines on the reformer today.  it was really hard but i did not give up.
• tomorrow is my cheat day but i'm deadset on eating right to make up for my challenge booboo.

to be honest i feel a bit hungry now so i'm going to drink a glass of water and hit the bed so i don't end up ruining today. =P

major booboo discovery

OMG

i checked out my 30-day challenge post and reread it.

and i just made a major booboo.  i thought i wrote NO RICE, and not NO CARBS...

lol, i've been eating carbs here and there, albeit reduced portions to my normal capacity.  i'm so effing pathetic.  =P

so i guess i have to tighten the belt and do the nocarbs if no exercise etc, etc thing from now on.

way to go self, i think i just got the gold for world's worst challenge-taker ever. =P

Day 5

of my 30-day challenge.

so this is a late post.  i've been waking up so early for the past week or so that my eyelids shut down on me even before i finished reading my blog roll last night.  so i was too sleepy to stay up and recall yesterday's food report.  here goes:

yesterday i had:
a mug of coffee and 2 cold chinese lumpia for breakfast [it was yummy, and it felt strangely okay even if the insides were kinda frozen, it gave it a bit of an extra crunch, lol]

i had a late lunch at around 2pm and had a hot roast chicken on bread which was smothered with gravy and a scoop of potato salad at Pancake house, while waiting for my car to finish being washed.

in the afternoon i had guests from cebu city [my college classmate and her hubby], i brought them to my house to see my bebes and for some durian treat.  i had 3 pcs downed with coke light. [i had to show them how to eat it okay, =P]

for dinner we went to a chinese resto, AHFAT III, and i had Hototay soup, kinilaw, french beans in garlic sauce, a few pieces of spicy pork ribs, and 1 steamed garlic and chili prawn.  take note, NO RICE!  and i drank hot chinese tea in the hopes of melting the fried pork ribs i had. =P

i'm going to meet up with another friend from cebu tonight and because i was too busy to exercise again yesterday, i will have to skip the sweets again,  and go without rice again, today.

self-analysis:
this is becoming more of a food diary than a challenge-to-exercise blog.  i admit defeat in the exercise department but i'm finding the "writing down everything i eat" habit really helpful on being mindful of what i eat and how much of the tempting but really bad for me food i allow myself.

i really tried the gym thing but it is just not for me right now.  i end up getting more stressed trying to fit it in into my already full life.  and if i pressure myself more i end up miserable and harassed, so for now i guess its not just worth it.

i'm sticking with my twice a week pilates though and i might embark on a new physical activity after i finish this book i am in the middle of reading.  it is health-related and timely for me, and am actually excited to start the program it is recommending.  i'll write about it tomorrow.

i am also reducing my intake of fried food and trying my darnedest best to drink nothing but water. err, morning coffee not included in the beverage ban, okay.

Day 4

of my 30-day challenge.

i had an early morning meeting so i had nothing but coffee for breakfast.  i did not do it intentionally of course, i know it's unhealthy to skip meals, but then some days are just like that.

the meeting took all morning and even till noon so by 1pm i was ravenous.  my hubby asked to order from our fave persian place, Majid's.  so that's what we had for lunch.  at 1:30pm.  and yes, i completely forgot that i wasn't allowed to eat rice today.  this is what i had:

1 goat kabab with loobia and grilled tomato, garlic sauce and hummus
dill chicken and rice [left-over of guela]  which was about 2/3 of the whole serving
1 mango and a half
i remembered not to take juice.

i ran some errands in the afternoon and had a banana at 6pm so i would not be ravenous again at dinner.  we went out to Spirale, an italian resto, as requested by my daughter who made a major booboo just before we went home.  i had:

1/3 serving of salcicce pasta [cream, tomato sauce, assorted sausages]
2 slices Gordo pizza [assorted sausages and prosciutto]
half a can of coke zero

i know, dinner sounds really calorific but hubby is going away again tomorrow so dinner had to be special, salad greens just isn't gonna cut it.


bold note:

• the juice we have here right now is of the powdered kind [meaning: sugar-laden]
• guela went out to play as we were waiting for the bill, picked up a stone and threw it as hard as she could, it hit the glass window of the japanese resto beside ours.  good thing she isn't so strong yet, the stone only made an itty bitty scratch on the glass.  but we scolded her good and she was masulub-on the rest of the way home. ha ha, lesson definitely learned, i hope. =P

Day 3

of my 30 - day challenge.

this is going to be quick cause i'm sleepy already.  today started really early.  and no i did not exercise.

6am - coffee, 1 cup corn grits, corned beef hash, lemonade

10:30am - a banana

12noon - 3/4 cup corn grits, an invented salad [i don't know what to call it but it was yummy], broiled fish, dessert: a banana with nut nougat spread, orange juice

2pm a cup of cofffee

5pm - 2 chinese lumpia, orange juice

7:30pm 2 servings of pork meatball soup with patola and bihon [rice noodles], orange juice

and i also had the following somewhere in between the above times: 2 jellybeans, 1/5 of a chocochip cookie, a handful of milo cereals. THESE WERE FORCE-FED TO ME BY MY BEBES

note to self:

• stop drinking juice, go by water instead.
• i can always spit the junk into the trash bin when the bebes aren't looking.
• i meant to experiment on a german potato salad recipe i just received but the hubby wanted soup for dinner, so soup it was.

Day 2

of my 30 day challenge.

Today started really great.  i had what i call the breakfast of champions because i actually copied it from the blogs of some of my fave weight-loss champions, Ben and Theodora. 

breakfast of champions

i had it at 6:00 am. can you believe that?  if i did not actually eat them, i wouldn't have believed it myself, lol.  once upon a time i was the kind of person who did not eat till lunch time.  well, sometimes i'm still like that.  but this morning i had to arm myself because i was going to be stuck in guela's school and the canteen serves mostly starchy and fried food.  so i decided to try the banana and peanut butter on whole wheat toasts which i often see in my champions' blogs.

i also brought with me a quarter of a cup of corn grits which i ate with guela's left over chicken nuggets at 10am.

i returned to my pilates class after a week-long absence and was happy that i aced all but one of the routines.  my shoulders were weak today and i could hardly finish one of my arm exercises.  but i sweat buckets so i declare the session a success, ha ha.

i had late lunch with the hubby at 2:30pm and had a cup of corn grits and something we call picadillo over here.  it is ground pork cooked with diced potatoes, peas and raisins, and it was good.  the downside was it was a bit too oily. =(

before heading out to the supermarket at 6pm i had a banana and a handful of peanuts.  i did this to stave off hunger so i wouldn't go berserk at the mall and order the first sinful thing i laid my eyes on [it worked!]

for dinner at 8pm, i had my last cup of corn grits for the day [shoo, go away cholesterol, shoo, go away evil sugar in my blood!] and the left over picadillo and 1 cheek of a ripe, sweet, juicy mango.

today was a big improvement to my usual convenient but really-bad-for-you choice of food.  i also bought more veggies to make our meals healthier.  i also chucked my plan of preparing fish and chips tomorrow and instead serve baked fish and german potato salad, the recipe of which was recently shared to me.

i hope to be able to make it to the gym tomorrow.  there was lightness in my step today.  maybe it's the excitement of taking on a challenge.  maybe it's the good feeling you get when you know you did right by yourself.  whatever it is, i hope to keep it up, so that the lightness i feel inside will be reflected on what is seen on the outside. =P

Day 1

of my 30 day challenge.

today was the last day of my frenzied concentration and preparation for two major work-related activities. well, at least for now.  so work took up practically the whole day which means, you get it, i did not get to do a conscious physical work out.  but if running around and going up and down a flight of stairs in heels count... no? err, okay, so i did not get to exercise today.

which means, i don't get to eat rice nor my itty-bitty-daily-indulgence of something sweet.  well, i think knowing this ugly truth made me eat everything offered to me today, which for the major part was, what our culinary students prepared for our activity.

the lowdown: [don't gasp, i'm outing myself here, you may cringe with me]

7:00 am 1 can of San Marino Tuna Paella, heated in the microwave

10:00 am Guela's left-over cheesy rice omelet [about 1/2 cup], 1 mug of coffee with coffeemate and cocosugar

1:00pm 1/2 of a modest club sandwich, 4 tuna-fita canapes, 3 spoonfuls of chocolate mousse [from the culinary class kitchen], 4 small pieces of bulad from cebu dipped in spicy vinegar with 4 spoonfuls of rice [from my dad's lunch box]

4:00pm 1/2 of another modest club sandwich, 3 spoonfuls of chocolate mousse, a cup of fruit punch [left-over from what we served our guests, eaten while relaxing with my colleagues, after the day's work was done

6:30 pm suddenly felt ravenous and went and ordered a plate of salisbury steak from red ribbon [had to go to the mall to buy something guela need's for her school activity tomorrow, i wanna bite the teacher's head off for informing us last minute]  i left about a half cup of rice on my plate.  downed what i ate with coke lite

7:30 pm a cone of milo-soft freeze eaten while browsing for books at booksale, was able to buy me three books and some adorable notebooks and pads

here's where it gets absolutely worse,

8:30pm - guilt eating, i had to eat what was prepared for me at home - 4 chicken nuggets, a cup of soup with spinach, 2 small slices of fried eggplant dribbled with knorr original seasoning, a cup of corn grits

10:00pm - 1 honey glazed dunkin donut with 1bottle of cerveza negra while blogging

bold notes:

• the club sandwich was modest because all the fillings were thinly sliced
• i love corn grits and i'm glad to find out they lower down cholesterol and blood sugar levels, i'm not saying i didn't mess up today just because i had corn grits
• the beer is for the period, which my grandmother taught me [not that she meant to]

so today was an epic fail at eating healthy, i know.  i hope i fare better tomorrow, if only to regain some of my dignity.

good night, the cerveza is no more.

updates and hitching a ride on the 30-day challenge bandwagon

i've been putting off posting anything because i don't have any good news to tell.  for this week.  nada.  but i finally thought of something which will make me make the obligatory daily post if i wanna win this battle i have staged.

but first let me give you the lowdown on my 1 week of absence:

• last monday i had chest pains which worried me enough to warrant a visit to the OPD.  i underwent some tests and no they did not approve my plans of going to the gym that afternoon
• on tuesday, i had to undergo more tests and being unsure if i was supposed to still rest, i cancelled my pilates session.  i then got my results in the late afternoon and the results are:

my blood sugar is 6.3, which means i'm .2 points over the highest normal

my cholesterol is on the high side

my kidney is okay

my liver is okay

the doctor then asked me to undergo another test for my blood sugar, this time without the need to do any fasting.  he said i can have it done anytime, no hurry.  and so i didn't hurry and now i lost the prescription. dang it!

 the doctor also said to watch what i ate.  to avoid sweets and fried food and to exercise.  i did none of the above this week, [explanation coming in a while].

• on wednesday my daughter's major exams started.  this meant a change in routine, more exposure to the intense tropical sun [i had to wait for her in the school canteen until she finished] equals, i was totally drained of energy by noontime. and of course i said no way jose to the gym.
• on thursday, the preparations for 2 major work activities were in full swing and i absolutely was not abandoning tasks in favor of the gym.
• on friday, i was up to my neck with work until the sun set so again... you already know what did not happen
• and today, was also work-filled for our BIG monday activity so you guessed it... no pilates!!!  and by the way, yes the left knee is still a problem, but less so.

am i pissed off at myself?  noooo.  to be honest, i don't want to beat myself up about my lack of gym time because i absolutely loved every minute of missing it! ha ha!

sigh.  more and more i see how this gym thingy has no place in my life right now... what to do, what to do??? i asked my self as i lay down my overweight self on my bed every night.

and tonight it finally struck me!  i am going to do the no-carbs/no sweets- if-no-exercise-30-day-challenge!  my challenge title is so lame, i know, but it is what i thought of doing.  i will not allow myself to eat any carbs or anything sweet if i don't spend at least an hour of exercise the day before.  so if i don't work-out on monday, i can't have even my brown rice on tuesday. and so on and so forth.  and of course, my cheat day will be on Sunday, which is tomorrow by the way, yipee!  [am i the luckiest challenge-taker or what!]

i figured that, even if i miss a lot of gym days, i punish myself by not eating "indulgent" food.  so i lose weight either way, by burning calories or by reducing my calorie intake.  so i win any which way right?

if it still isn't obvious how desperate i am, i don't know what more to do.  the other night i just wanted to call it quits.  write down my last post, wave the white flag, and let go of my pathetic attempt to get back in shape.


So,  whaddaya think?  will this love for carbs and sweets make me exercise daily?

this is how it's gonna work:

1. i start on monday.
2. i'm gonna post here everything that goes into my mouth for that day.
3. i'm gonna post if i exercised or not and if yes, what form of exercise i did for the day.
4. i am not going to lie.  i promise.
5. i am going to bore you because i will post the food details and the exercise details every single day
6. i will do this for 30 days so that means the challenge ends on November 18, 2010.

so, i ask you, my dear reader, not to laugh, nor snicker.  i ask you to wish me luck,  pray for me,  be my challenge-police.  be my anything, please, anything that will help me move forward.

if any of you want to join me in this challenge, please speak up so i can be your one-woman-cheering squad, if need be. =D

So help me God.

three things

1. i gained weight instead of losing it.  i gained 5 pounds in 1 week.  this better be pms or else i'm gonna blame it on the cardio work-outs. [of course i can't blame it on the food i've been ingesting]
2. my left knee still hurts, but i'm gonna do the treadmill just the same, tomorrow.
3. i made a deal with the hubby, starting tomorrow, we start eating healthy.  and no complaining allowed!
4. i'm going to go crazy if i gain another 5 pounds when the week ends.

okay, that's 4 things.  i'm just so mad right now.

p.s.  pilates was a breeze today.  of course i still thought i was gonna die after each set but i definitely cursed less. 

2-inch heels, a bad knee, and in need of advice

i bought 2 pairs of strappy 2-inch heeled shoes.  they were customized, hence the supposedly mere 2 inches.

but me, being the fitflop mommy, clicked my knee not even 2 hours after i started wearing them.  i was walking from the car to the bank and i heard my knee click or crack or probably snap.  whatever.  it happened yesterday.  and until now my knee still feels painful.  i don't know if it is because of bad bones or my legs being really ignorant when it comes to heeled shoes.

so we had to work-out around the bad knee at pilates class today.  i'm planning to just brisk walk on the treadmill tomorrow, at most.

or is there a safer way to burn calories?  i would appreciate if you can help me before tomorrow afternoon comes.

bummer monday

so i didn't get to work out on saturday.  nor did i get to do so on sunday.  to make the long story short, the hubby had some guests and i as the dutiful wife co-entertained them.  not that i didn't enjoy entertaining.  i did.  but i pretty much bumped off everything else in the schedule.  and when i finally had time. i was exhausted.

enter monday.  my supposedly getting back into schedule and planned routine.  which means my only window was lunch time today.  but this too was snatched away from me.  not that i didn't enjoy lunching with the hubby and his guests. but three days of no exercise! just when i had it going well!

tomorrow, i have pilates at lunch time, if i had nothing in the morning i would squeeze in gym time as well.  but still not THAT lucky.  i have an all-morning meeting.

so here's the plan: i will double up on friday and hopefully put in time on the weekend too.  to make up for the 2 days i missed.

good thing there won't be any guests any time soon. not that i do not enjoy entertaining. =P

committed and hopeful

it's so easy to brush off your work-out schedule when all the other aspects of life demand your time and presence.  it's so easy to say that worrying and stressing about all your activities coming one after the other because there aren't enough hours in the day is a VALID REASON to put off working out for yet another day, [again!].

i did that last week.  and i let it happen the week before that.  in fact, i've been doing just that for so many years now.

and now, i see what years of neglect has done to me.  everyday, i suffer the consequence of having so many excuses not to exercise. i have to look at the mirror too you know. =P

but this week i put my foot down.  i stuck to my plan with all my might and i treated each work-out session as if it was the most important thing i was going to do that day, not the meeting with my colleagues, not the errands, not even relaxing time with my newly-arrived hubby. [yes, and i am sure he is OKAY with it. he he.]

i did not cancel on myself.  and i am happy, and proud, and hopeful.

i am hopeful that the image looking right back at me from where i run on the treadmill will not look as sorry ass it did today.[lol, i couldn't help it. =P]

i am hopeful that someday i will float and stand like everybody else in spinning class and not have to endure the pain of the seat pushing against my butt [seriously!] because it is too heavy for me to lift[my butt, not the seat].

and i am hopeful that as the weeks pass, each day will get more challenging but not pathetically so.

tomorrow i have pilates.  and on saturday, my third gym session for the week.  i am indeed hopeful.

i survived...

...my pilates class.

it was tough for 2 reasons:

1. i return from a week of absence.
2. i only had 4 hours of sleep, and i need 8 to not turn into princess fiona. 

finalmente!

sono cosi felice!

I am this happy!

yes.  i finally made it to the gym.  signed up for a month, paid the fee, worked out for an hour.

now for the gory details:

• the gym scale was not on my side [ i prefer the one at my kids' pedia].  but in the interest of being upfront, it read 172 lbs. arrrgh!
• i did 40 minutes on the treadmill
• and 25 minutes on the elliptical, and on the last three minutes i seriously considered hanging my whole body onto the handlebars.
• i got dizzy when i got off both machines, which the gym instructor said was normal.  maybe he thought i was THAT unfit.
• my ridiculous moment for today: i unintentionally suddenly shut down the treadmill at 25 minutes when curiosity got the better of me and i lifted the magnetic thingy which was attached to a string which was attached to the machine.  it turned out to be the emergency stop thingy. hence the ditzyness, i mean dizziness.
• tomorrow i resume my pilates class. yipee-ya-yey!

couscous in my tummy

so i cleaned out my ref, and unearthed some ingredients which have been hybernating in it since more than just a couple of years.  one of this was a half a packet of couscous which i refused to throwaway even if it was beyond the best before date, why?  because they were sooo expensive when i bought them and my nose didn't smell anyting funny when i did the sniff test.

so now, these ingredients are now waiting in line on the kitchen counter, either to die or be transformed into something palatable [if i make it to them before they die.]

i checked her out today, she's one of my faves in a new blogroll, and her post made me remember the couscous on my kitchen counter line-up.
wanting to experience the same healthy and cleansing properties of eating a meat-free meal, i stir-fried whatever i had in the ref and in the pantry  which i thought would be great with the couscous.  and i came up with an instant hit, even my kasambahay who are not a bit adventurous and are fearful of unfamiliar food couldn't get enough of it.  the finished product was practically gone in no time.

here's what i did.

and here's how i did it.

updates and lotsa links in between! =D

i had a haircut! or was it just a trim... i found her and fell in love with her hair and since i've been meaning to change my hairstyle i went and had my newly found hairstylist, Jules try and make me look like her.  of course i know i don't look a bit like her, even now, when my hair kinda looks like hers.  but i'm lovin' the look of my locks.  i can't won't show you a pic because my face is still fat and pudgy. =P

and i bought my second issue of Women's Health magazine to help boost my growing enthusiasm to move my butt.  i remember, when i was still active, i practically hoarded Muscle and Fitness Hers magazines in the effort to learn how to lift weights the correct way and in proper form.  i was so obsessed with weight-lifting  that i felt the need to read up and learn. Nooo, I never aspired to become muscular nor did i want to look like a she-man, i just wanted to do IT right.  i learned a lot by reading and i even was able to design my own work-out to achieve the muscle definition i wanted, which wasn't really much compared to the women in the magazines. [you can go pick up your dropped jaws now, that story, though true, belongs to my past life]

so, here i am reading up again, a bit sad that i must start from the 'aspiring' level.  but i must start somewhere, and in keeping with my 'new' life as a mother and the fact that i am rushing into the big 4-O, i must have a plan.  I WILL BE FIT AND FABULOUS AT FORTY.

it's not all words you know, the brown rice i've been eating must be something really good because despite the lack of effort at getting more physical in the past few weeks; despite the food binges; and despite the lack of artificial help [read:weight-loss pills], i have not gained weight and quite a few people have noticed the itty bit of weight i have somehow managed to still lose despite all of the above.

so, here's the first part of the plan:

• i continue my twice a week pilates sessions
• i start my thrice a week 30-minute cardio exercises tomorrow; my options being: walking around the subdivision when i wake up early enough; walking on the track at the gym if my free time falls on hot early afternoon hours; walking on the park oval if it falls at dusk. if all else fails, i do my old DVD work-out routine in the living room area.

if it wasn't almost midnight now, and if i did not have a really late dinner, i'd have switched on the DVD and started RIGHT NOW.

i will do this for 2 weeks and  up the ante every two weeks.  i'm loosely basing my plan on the Ultimate Fitness Plan 2010 plan i found on one of the issues of Women's Health magazine.  i say loosely because i do not have all the paraphernalia they require and i don't intend to spend on extras just yet when i know fully well that i can do other routines that do not require buying anything.

i'm writing this down here because this is Ben's number 1 advice.

So help me God.

running is probably a really good idea

so, i know i said i'll see you next week, but this temporary[?] obstacle of not being able to even attend my second pilates schedule sort of made me think study the possibility of starting a form of exercise that i kinda shunned since i grew mammary glands.

i've been letting it stew in my brain for days now, and i've even read up a bit on the possibility.  yes, i'm talking about running.  and finding the right sports bra wouldn't be a problem anymore, i think.

i remember loving the adrenalin rush after a good run when i was a kid.  i loved the wind on my face, the loud beating of my heart, and the pride i felt whenever i finished first or was ahead of every other kid i raced with.  and i'm not even talking about formal runs nor anything involving race tracks.  we just loved running when we were kids, so it was a huge part of play time: from taga-taga-anay or Tag to sprinting towards imaginary finish lines.  i don't have a childhood play date memory that did not involve running around.

during my active days [read: younger years, my 20's to be exact], i used to be a gym rat. i loved pumping up with weights, but for cardio exercises, the most i would do was walk on the treadmill, speed walk was something i would do rarely.  running hurt too much and the fear of sagging breasts instantly made me cross off any work out which involved running.  plus, the right 'protective' wear was beyond what my measly salary could afford.  but now that going back to the gym is becoming an unattractive option as the days [weeks] pass on, i'm thinking of taking up an altogether new thing.  and running just came to mind.

i don't need coordinated sports wear, i already have a pair of cross-trainers which i think will do for a beginner like me.  and the thought of cool air rushing at me is so much more pleasing compared to sweating it out in any old [or sparkling new] gym.  i know i am asthmatic, but it hasn't stopped runners from winning races.  of course i don't intend to race at all, well, just probably with myself for now.  i don't intend to land in the hospital ever again due to over exertion [yes, believe it or not i had to be admitted due to exercise-induced-severe-asthma attack which in turn ended my unhealthy love affair with the gym, but that's a whole other story.]

so,

does anyone know of a local [davao city] runners group who welcome asthmatic and overweight but REALLY interested beginners like me?  i would love to join YOU please. =D

crap!

the period arrived this morning.

now, i can't even go to pilates class.  even nature is against me!

see you next week blog. >(

so sue me.

go ahead. snicker.  laugh you arss off.  say i'm a liar.  never, ever believe me again.

but i did try.  i tried my best.  it just wasn't enough.  the health gods are conspiring against me, i think.

i did go to bed before it struck 12 last night.  and i woke up at 6am sharp.  i was raring to go.  but then, mommy life got in the way - i nebulized maxie even before i had the chance to wash my mouth.  housewifey-life got in the way- i had to prepare my second batch of vigan longganisa, it needs to cure, so i timed it for hubby's arrival on the weekend.  and lastly, work life got in the way.

i thought i could still squeeze in an hour of gym time before the admin. meeting we were having at noon.

the latter got so much in the way i had to ask my parents to do carpool duty so Miguela could go to school.  i even had to chew on my lunch of brown rice and meatballs while presenting performance appraisal forms to my colleagues at work.

when morning passed, i promised myself to go to the gym right after the meeting.

but a student arrived at 4pm asking to speak with me, then i had to wait for an instructor to finish his class at 5pm, and discuss the student's problem with him.

then i thought of running a few laps at the nearby park oval before it got too late.

but requests and vouchers needed to be approved one after another, emails needed to be sent, and so i did not see day turn into night.  i struggled to finish work that piled up in my inbox, and on my desk, and overflowing from my desk drawer; the result of a week or two of dedicating my time to mommy duties and home organization.

i finally started for home at quarter before 9pm.  if the gym wasn't gonna close in fifteen minutes time, i would have still gone to do an hour's worth.  but i instead headed home, vowing not to eat dinner on days when i miss working out.  like TODAY. 

valid excuses or not, i lost my one chance today.  but tomorrow is another day.  another chance at fighting this battle with my weight and everything that conspires with it.

so laugh if you must.  i know i'm gonna win this,  one day soon.

good night

yep, i'm going to bed right after this post [which is way earlier than usual] because i intend to go to the gym and sign up first thing in the morning.  no more excuses, no more delays.

i think i've said enough, this week just didn't work out the way i wanted it to, like last week and the week before that.  but i'm holding tomorrow by the neck. and by hook or by crook i will burn calories tomorrow. morning.

so, i've been busy with one of my other blogs so you can't say i've been lazy with my postings.  i've finally also put my self to work on my secret obsession [which isn't so secret anymore].   so you see, i have not been lazy.  do you see a pattern here? i'm trying to get every aspect of my life into shape, and i've been documenting it.  i hope i'm not coming down with a disorder or something. =P

and before i call it a night, i would like to share something i read a while ago that made me go, "ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE, YOU BETTER START MOVING YOUR BUTT FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING!"  Go check her out first here and then here.  she just might give you the push you need too.

you can all thank me later. =D

motivation vs. failing miserably

i learned something about myself today.  i've been wondering why i often slide back to bad eating habits once i see a bit of an improvement in my weight.

it's like i'm rewarding myself with food, which is stupid of me, i know.  but food, to me, equals happiness.  and the sad thing is, my idea of great food covers the span of starchy food whether savoury or sweet, or even bland; heavy-weights such as pork meat; the delicate fruits of the sea; and all things chocolatey and comforting.  i've even grown to love tarts and pies ever since my sister learned how to make them.

so do you see my dilemma?  and don't try suggesting other forms of reward because if i have not made it obvious yet, food trumps them all.

what is comforting right now is that i have realized [and hopefully  it's not too late now] what motivates me to lose weight some more, and gain back my health and  achieve a fit body.  i noticed that i tend to have self-control when i intentionally get physically active, or when i take supplements which claim to help me lose weight.

maybe it's the money i spend, or the effort i give at working out, or both.  whatever.  so now i will WILL myself to concentrate on the amount of time i spend working-out, the suffering i endure [ha ha, so the dramaqueen], and the money that goes into it.

i NOW believe in this:

Exercise is a high life priority, so this a worthwhile place to spend some money if that helps.

and then try not to gloat at the measly progress i am making right now.

am i a strange person or what?

struggling positively

this is where i am right now.

and i'm glad i found these tips:

Eleven Tips for Exercising Regularly

1. Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week. Along the same lines …

2. If at all possible, exercise first thing in the morning. As the day wears on, you’ll find more excuses to skip exercising. Get it checked off your list, first thing.

3. Never skip exercising two days in a row. You can skip a day, but the next day, you must exercise, no matter how inconvenient.

4. Give yourself credit for the smallest effort. My father always said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes and close the door behind him. Many times, by promising myself I could quit ten minutes after I’d started, I got myself to start—and then found that I didn’t want to quit, after all.

5. Think about context. I thought I disliked weight training, but in fact, I dislike the guys who hang out in the weight-training area. Are you distressed about the grubby showers in your gym? Do you try to run in the mornings, but recoil from going out in the cold? Examine the factors that might be discouraging you from exercising.

6. Exercise several times a week. If your idea of exercise is to join games of pick-up basketball, you should be playing practically every day. Twice a month isn’t enough. 

7. If you don’t have time to both exercise and take a shower, find a way to exercise that doesn’t require you to shower afterward. Twice a week, I have a very challenging weight-training session, but the format I follow doesn’t make me sweat. (Some of you are saying, “It can’t be challenging if you don’t sweat!” Oh yes, believe me, it is.)

8. Look for affordable ways to make exercising more pleasant or satisfying. Could you upgrade to a nicer or more convenient gym? Buy yourself a new iPod? Work with a trainer? Get a pedometer to keep track of your walking distances? Exercise is a high life priority, so this a worthwhile place to spend some money if that helps.

9. Think of exercise as part of your essential preparation for times you want to be in especially fine form—whether in performance (to be sharp for an important presentation) or appearance (to look good for a wedding) or mood (to deal with a stressful situation). Studies show that exercise does help.

10. Remember one of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood, courtesy of Voltaire: Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Don’t decide it’s only worth exercising if you can run five miles or if you can bike for an hour. I have a friend who scorns exercise unless she’s training for a marathon—so she never exercises. Even going for a ten-minute walk is worthwhile. Do what you can.

11. Don’t kid yourself. Belonging to a gym doesn’t mean you go to the gym. Having been in shape in high school or college doesn’t mean you’re in shape now. Saying that you don’t have time to exercise doesn’t make it true.

i'm crossing my fingers that i have new updates regarding additional exercises on my very next post. =D

pathetic

yes.  that's what i think i am. right about now. and most probably up until i finally lose a respectable number of pounds in a respectable amount of time.

and to think i was in a self-congratulatory mood as i updated my stats to the right,  yes, i lost an additional 3 lbs, the weighing scale said.  but when i was looking over this blog, some facts dawned on me.

1. that i started this blog a year and a month 2 months ago, July 6, 2009; and
2. that i pegged my starting weight from about the time i gave birth to maxie; and
3. that i've written 40 crappy posts about this pitiful journey to fabu-loss-city or should i say Loser-ville with the capital L across my forehead; and [yes, i ain't done yet]
4. that if i computed the average, i just about lost a whopping 1 POUND PER MONTH. SHEESH!

what's worse is i think i'm the last to see how pathetic i've been.

needless to say, i am beet red with shame right now.  and for the record, i just want to declare that i'm not just pathetic, but that i am a fake.  a pathetic fake.  if someone will call me anything worse than that, i'm it.  i admit it.  what a loser! or should i say gainer!!! blecchh!

so i'm gonna get off my sorry a$$ now, and start doing something respectable so i can write something worth posting the next time.

note to future-self:  for the record, this post has nothing to do with my seeing pictures of my skinny self way back when i was not a fake. =P

updates, how velcro relates to weightloss, and my bad back

i'm off zytrim for now.  i'll see if i manage to lose some more weight without it.  i'm sticking with the brown rice but to be honest, it takes a back seat when basmati rice takes over the table.  good thing i discovered that basmati rice is actually ideal for diabetics [i still don't know if i am one, though]  because it is one type that has a medium glycemic index.  so maybe if i cook it the long way, the index will go much lower.

i'm now at home enjoying this lazy day because it's a special non-working holiday in our city.  the kids are alternately playing and watching barney.  too bad the hubby has to go and work up in the mountains.  we're hoping he will be back before it gets dark.

i'm happy to report another proof of weightloss.  i'm wearing new board shorts which has velcro as enclosure.  when i first wore it last june, the velcro burst open when sat down, i have not worn it since, which explains why the shorts is still new.  and today, i had to try it on because every other pair is still in the dirty clothes hamper.

it was quite roomy as i clasped both ends together, and did not budge a bit as i sat down.  more importantly, i feel comfy, and not about to turn blue for lack of air.  a sidenote: did you know that your asthma attack can be caused by wearing pants that are way too tight?  i had a friend in college who puffed away at her inhaler through out the day because vanity trumped comfort and well-being.

i missed 3 or 4 pilates sessions for different reasons.  the latest reason is because i have lower back pain, specifically in the 'small of the back' area.  it started a couple of days ago.  and the pain gets bad whenever i bend or try to carry maxie.  he has put on quite a lot of weight lately and i'm guessing the pain is because of that.  how should one carry one's really heavy baby anyway?  is there a proper way to do it?  i'd appreciate tips if any of you have one.

meanwhile, i move like a tired, old lady, stand up from my chair ever so slowly, and wonder if i should go see a doctor.  if this persists come monday, maybe i will. 

i got noticed

somebody finally noticed that i've lost a bit of weight.  maybe because i wore something not so loose and figure friendly and not to mention dark-colored. =P

of course i was happy.  it was confirmation that it wasn't just my imagination, playing tricks on me.  nor was i imagining that my 3 pairs of jeans have become really loose, i don't like wearing them anymore.

so brown rice did its work, the zytrim, at 15mg a day dosage helped a lot too, and so did the twice weekly pilates sessions. and maybe consciously saying no to empty sugars, stopping eating when i am short of feeling full helped too.

so yay! i'm kinda doing cartwheels in my head right this minute. =D

worth it

i'm drowning myself on a concoction i invented.  i don't even know if it is a valid mix.  but they are what i have and i wanted to drown fast.  so i fixed myself some bacardi and kahlua with ice.  which filled my coffee mug to the brim.  yes, i used my coffee mug.  don't ask why.

i know, its a lot of empty calories.  but compared to the mess i am in right now.  i know it is worth every bit of it.  not to mention, yummy too.  [ think i put too much of the kahlua].

anyways, on happier note, i discovered that heartache makes me not want to eat.  even if it makes me feel so damn hungry the whole time.  hungry and nervous, i've been in that state since this morning, well up until the cocktail invention kicked in and worked its purpose.

if you are wondering, yes i am intoxicated as i type this.  happily so.  good night then, here's to a hangover-free morning when i open mine dry eyes at day break.... =P

rice, my downfall

ever since it mattered, i have had a love-hate relationship with rice. 

i love how a great partner it is to most if not all of the main dishes i can think of.  Heck, i even pair it with other starchy food like potatoes or even noodles [shhh! that's our dirty little secret okay].

but i hate how it puts on curves on all my wrong places.  and so, i have successfully lessened its impact by always choosing brown rice.  even if most people hate it, i love brown rice.  but for the past 2 days, i've been a loser to the battle with white rice.

hubby is here and so i decided to open the big bag of basmati rice that has been sitting in the cupboard for months now.  well, actually hubby pointed it out to me, the fact that i never cooked it.  and so yesterday and today, i prepared basmati rice [the short way].

yesterday, i cooked it plain with just a hint of salt.  we paired it with fried left-over lechon and some soup.  today i cooked the basmati rice with dill herb and butter.  i paired it with baked dill chicken and an okra salad i invented inspired by the many recipes i found on the internet.

needless to say i had more than my usual 1 cup of brown rice and now i am feeling as guilty as ever, not to mention heavy on the belly.

maybe next time,  if i'm not too lazy, i'll cook it the traditional way [long way].  this get's rid of the heavy starch and will yield rice that is fluffy and light.  plus the extra work will justify the second cup i intend to eat when it's done. =P

look what i found

Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) Calculator

This calculator will calculate your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate). Your BMR, is the energy (measured in calories) expended by the body at rest to maintain normal bodily functions. If your are going for a diet to lose weight then you can start here.

when i calculated mine, at my current weight [169lbs], i'm supposed to consume only 1579 calories/day if i want to lose 1 pound per week.  neat!

why don't you give it a try and find out your BMR?

now what?

seriously, what do i write about?

i really don't know what to say right now.  i've refreshed this 'new post' page about once too many and i still can't come up with anything new or interesting to report.

yes, i'm back to 169lbs.  but that isn't really far from the 171lbs i was a month ago.  and i've not added to my exercise routine.  i'm still ONLY doing Pilates twice a week.

what i'm happy about though is that i'm still eating brown rice instead of white, i only take diet soda but ever so rarely now, and i don't eat sweets as much.

and yes, i've upped the dosage on zytrim, taking 15mg now and always with something that has l-carnitine.

my life is so boring right now.

today's horrific schedule

7:15am - wake up, take a shower, dress up, leave for the gasoline station
8:09am -proceed to my mom's house to fetch her and leave for digos city
9:18am- arrive in digos city for meet-up with camp sabros staff, leave digos city and go back to davao city right after
10ish am - arrive in davao and fetch daddy from the house to go downtown
10:40 am - arrive in the bank, transact
11:45 am -leave bank, drop off parents at the school, go home to fetch miguela [while driving, call the nanny to prepare 2 packs skyflakes and a bottle of apple flavored fit n right]
12:19am - pick up guela, start munching on skyflakes
12:26am- drop off guela and the nanny at school, continue munching on skyflakes, proceed to the Pilates center for 1pm appointment, finish fit n right in 2 gulps.
12:51am- arrive at the center,make a client call before getting off the car
1:00pm - 1 hour Pilates session
2:00pm - trudge back to the car and defer picking up laundry as it started drizzling, dang!, go straight home instead
2:30pm - arrive home, play with maxie for a while, open a can of tuna paella [a review on this later] zap it for 20 seconds in the micro, drizzle squeezed lemon over it and down it in 15 minutes
2:45pm - ask the nanny to wake me up in 15 minutes, and take a much needed nap
3:00pm - wake up, take a shower, dress up, play again with maxie for a while
3:30pm - leave the house to fetch miguela, park far away from the school gate [still drizzling and miguela loves to walk under her little umbrella in the rain]
4:30pm - leave the school when miguela finally said yes after i told her that we needed to go to the supermarket [she wanted to stay with her classmate and play some more]
5ish pm - arrive at the mall and proceed to the supermarket, buy groceries
6:10 pm - leave the mall and go home, traffic!!!
6:40 pm - arrive home wash hands, greet maxie, prepare dinner of tortang nylon
7:20 pm - eat dinner [tortang nylon with ketchup and a cup of brown rice] with maxie carefully watching him for signs of an allergy attack [he got red lumps all around his mouth while sipping seafood chowder at my brother's wedding]
7:50 pm - force feed miguela [yes, when it comes to eating, maxie is the voracious one]
8:20 pm - finally sit down to relax and make this post

if it weren't raining by the time i fetched guela i would have squeezed in maxie's immunization appointment with the pedia before going to the supermarket!

tsk, tsk, tsk

two things which are disturbing me right now:
 
Number 1
i'm not liking this new routine of mine.  i starve myself in the morning and have my first meal at 1pm at the earliest.  this happened twice last week, and now, a monday at that, i'm at it again.

it's not by choice ok.  i just have to leave for work much too early, i'd rather sleep some more than prepare and eat breakfast at 6 or 7 am.  and once i'm at the school, more often than not, there's work piled up waiting for me that i forget to eat.

so you can imagine that by afternoon i'm famished.  i have to bring guela to school at noontime so it's either i eat before or after that.  i gotta fix this or else i'll end up either with ulcers or an even worse metabolism.

and Number 2
i gotta get rid of all the junk [food] we have.  i also wanna start seriously feeding my kids veggies.  how do i find a way to make it attractive for them?  i've tried mashing them up to unrecognizable goop, but even when they still had no teeth, they spit it out before they even got to really taste it.  and now that they love soup, and meat, and rice, they cunningly remove whatever green thing is hidden in every spoonful.  the only reason i'm not THAT scared of them being undernourished is because of the enormous amount of milk they drink [pediasure and gain].

any of you got any advice out there?  i've tried them all, from being a good example to cutting the veggies up into cute shapes.  and don't tell me to smother them in cheese or cream as i can not do that each and every meal, it's gonna defeat the purpose, too much cream and cheese cannot be healthy.

or am  i just making such a big fuss?  i hated veggies when i was a kid and i love them now.  should i do something about it or just let them be?

tsk, tsk, tsk.... what do i do?

p.s. i made spaghetti alla carbonara yesterday, you might wanna check it out, i can't believe that even in a recipe blog, i managed to let my o.-c.ness get the better of me.

today was a bad day

one of the things i hate about staying home the whole day is that i almost always end up eating junk food, with my kids at that.  today i think the junk outweighed the healthy stuff.

to keep maxie busy:
a handful of chips
2 biscuit sticks dipped in choco cream [the last 2 he wouldn't eat and i hate throwing food in the trash]

brunch:
a cup of brown rice
2 headless spanish sardines
2 table spoons of spicy laing
a cup of Hunt's Snackpack choco pudding

after my imaginary nap [who can sleep with 2 kids jumping over and around you in bed?]:
a banana with a pat of hazelnut spread in each bite [don't ask me how many bites it took]

while watching 'Penelope' on star movies with guela:
microwaveable popcorn [3 handfuls]

dinner: to cap this junky day, i ordered guela's favorite sausage-stuffed crust pizza with pepperoni as topping.  i had 2 oily slices of that and washed it down with a bottle of fit n right blueberry-grape juice

don't be too harsh on me now.  the junk food parade is something i reserve for times like today when i'm too pooped to be a good mommy.  my nose is acting up again, it's so itchy and i think i sneezed a thousand times today.  plus i lack 1 kasambahay today so instead of just enjoying my kids, i had to attend to the cleaning up after them too.  try that while successively sneezing every few minutes,  i don't know why i did not think to take my allergy meds sooner.  sheesh!

anyhoo, i think a paragraph is enough to try to weasel my way out of feeling guilty for my junk-filled day.

for what's it worth:  i tried to mop out the oil from the pizza with a paper towel at least 2 times. =P

laziness and a black ruffled blouse

i'm a lazy blogger,  yes i am.  and a lazy dieter, lazy gym-goer, lazy dresser. lazy, period.

but mind you, i have been everything but lazy in the weight-loss department this past week or two [or since my last post to be exact].  my visit to the pedia [where i started weighing myself] 2 weeks ago confirmed my worst fears.  i gained weight, 5 pounds to be exact.  i thought i could get away with my pill-popping and erratic work-out schedule, who was i kidding???

so as of 2 weeks ago, the scale read 171 lbs.  My next visit to the pedia [for maxie's  flu vaccine] is on July 6 and that's this tuesday already.  i hope to be atleast back to 169 lbs.  i've been faithful to my no white rice promise, and i've also been very conscious of my food intake.  and i've been consistent with my twice-a-week pilates sessions [the moves are getting more and more challenging!].  i'm still trying to see how i can fit in gym-time into my new role as a mom of a pre-schooler.  if that's not going to be possible, i think i'll force myself to do some walking in a park, atleast twice a week too.  and then maybe some video work-outs while maxie is taking his noontime naps.  woohoo!  am i on a roll or what. he he, that's just wishful thinking for now.

but i do have some good news. =D  i bought a blouse online last May.  i tried it on the minute i got it.  it went past my shoulders and my chest, but it felt like i was going to burst at the seams.  so i hung it in my closet, thinking it would just end up in the charity bag, like all my 'illusionada' buys of the past.  well guess what, i tried it on this morning and was happy to be able to breathe comfortably in it.  i wore it to work today. =D  that's something major, if i may say so myself. =D

here's me, wearing the blouse, and Maxie  who was busy watching barney [but posed for mama, anyway =D].

  i'm still BIG,i know.  but at least not as big as i was a month ago, he he.  here's to seeing the scales tip in my favor next week!

eating healthy, food diaries, and updates

for the longest time i've stayed out of diets and special meal plans.  i've tried most if not all during my younger days and i was sure to revert to my regular way of eating.  i knew what i needed was a change in the way i ate, and not necessarily what i ate.

the only time i was really happy with my weight was when i wrote down everything i ate and the calorie equivalent of each item. i'm o-c so i had to be that particular for it to be effective.  the thing now is, i don't have the time to look the equivalency up nor the patience to compute everything so i'll try what many of you are doing out there.  i will try to write down or more appropriately post everything that goes into my mouth.  nevermind if there is no calorie equivalent in most items. =P

i've been proud of my self-control lately.  maybe, because i had a grand time eating in my 1-week stay in manila [the reason why i've been lazy at posting], i decided to really be conscious of what and how much i ate since i got back.

so here goes today so far:

breakfast: 9:30am

• 1cup brown rice - 218 calories
• 2 small tortang talong with giniling with 2 ketchup packets
• water

lunch 12:45pm

• 3 pcs Montaño Spanish Style Sardines - approx. 125 calories
• 3/4 cup brown rice - 164 calories
• Nature's harvest FAB apple juice drink 80 calories

 --------------------------------------------------

other updates:

i'm back to zytrim, took it while in manila to compensate for all the dining and drinking with friends and relatives [mostly relatives =D] and am now pairing it with L-Carnitine.  Here's the tip i recently got.  Sibutramine [generic name of zytrim] is more effective when taken with L-Carnitine.  and L-Carnitine is most effective when taken just before exercise, so you can sweat lots.

re the corn husk tea i posted about, i finished the whole box but did not get any lighter so i guess it is only effective with korean new mommies, he he.

i'm trying out MX3 Tea.  someone gave me packet some time ago and when i ran out of corn husk tea, i took it.  i liked the taste and got a pleasant surprise the following morning: an easy time doing number 2.  so i bought a few more packets today to see if it will be my liberation from constipation, i'm so gross, i know. =P

so here's to finally getting off this stagnant rut of not losing anymore pounds.  i seriously need to re-check with the weighing scale as my pictures of late are getting more and more disgusting to look at. blecch!

the 'before' me

alright.  i'm gonna post something i've never done before, a very unflattering picture of me.  no edits, no photoshop.  i might as well be naked here.  i just wanted to sort of give validity to this blog and to introduce myself to those who read me but don't have an idea how big i am, lol.

this is your untypical 'before' picture.  for one, it isn't a full body shot.  more important, i am smiling and happy.  not a pretty sight though.  i can list down all the flaws i see but that would go on forever.  and besides, saying my imperfections out loud will just get me depressed.  but, i chose this because this is me now.  all 167 lbs. of me [as the weighing scale said].  and looking at the pic makes me smile because of the memory it brings, a jolly good time with dear friends, sorry i had to crop you out guys.

i hope there will be an 'after' pic, and that i would look absolutely fabulous.  of course, with no photoshop editing required.  that would be when i'm forty.  yes, i intend to be fabulous at forty.  [that's about a year and a half from now].

here's to showing you a better pic come july 9, my 'midway-through-the-hurdle' goal date.  bottoms up the night time tea! =D

i slipped

today.  not literally, though.

i've been good at keeping my latest promise which is - no eating white rice.  so i've been good since my last brown rice post, till today.  i ran out, of brown rice that is.  so i had white rice for lunch and for dinner.  dang!

oh well, atleast i did not go the extra mile and stuff myself full of it, =P

overcoming plateaus

should be easier than scaling a mountain, right?  instead it is one of the most difficult things to win.  for many, it's the last 5 or 10 pounds to lose.  for me, it is the stoppage of progress.  the part when you stop losing weight even if you continue doing what made you lose [or should i say win?] in the first place.

so i guess i went with it and stopped trying for a while.  now i'm back on track.  i finally drove myself to the pilates center first thing after leaving the house.  i renewed my 'contract' and my next session starts at 2pm on wednesday.

he he, there's nothing like shame to get me going again.  i gotta save face. =P

delicious brown rice

the secret?  follow the instructions that come with it.  no instructions?  here's how to make that once-is-enough-coarse-and-bland-tasting but oh-so-much healthier version of that thing you can't live without:

1. rice to water ratio - 1:2, that means if you cook 4 cups of rice, you will need 8 cups of water [yes, its that much]
2. add a bit of salt to taste [optional, i don't feel the need though]
3. soak it in the water for an hour before you hit the cooker switch.

i promise you soft but firm morsels akin to the arborio variety we adore.

savor every spoonful. =D

p.s. you can mix it with wild black rice like i did as you see in the picture, that is if you like a hint of  nuttiness.

don't wait for it

that's what a friend told me last night.  it's been more than 2 weeks now and i don't see any visible results.  and i'm now on 25 squeezes every morning, straight, each day getting more difficult than the next.

but i don't need to drink a vitamin c supplement anymore.  and i go at least once a day now [major improvement, i tell you].  but i'm also taking kelp, vinegar, and lecithin which i get from healthy options.  i drink 2 tablets twice a day.  plus i take tea every night.

all i need to do is lay off on the sweets and carbs and start exercising.  yep, i admit, the pilates teacher hasn't seen my shadow since my last training package.  grrrrr.

so i try not to be so disappointed in me and push on even if i'm hating myself right now.  i refuse to go on a diet as i know i'll just go easy on it at the littlest sign of weight loss.  how do i change my eating habits and how do i motivate myself to move more?

how do i not wait for it?  how do i not look in the mirror and scrutinize at the reflection i see?  how do i win this fight?  will someone please give me an answer.

uncomfortable

yesterday i polished off half a pint of fruity yogurt, for breakfast i ate all of the remaining cottage cheese, the tub was still about half full.  and now 'm eating a cup of yogurt ice cream.

and that's just the healthy stuff.  i don't wanna report on the bad ones.  what's wrong with me.  where is my will.  today is the last day to sign up for pilates again, or else i'm officially a liar.

and it's only five more days till my brother's wedding.  my deadline is looming and i'm nowhere near my goal weight.

i have plenty excuses, plenty reasons to give myself a break.  with the kind of life i have right now, my weight is the last thing i should be worried about.

i must push on.  when do i lick this comfort food default mode.  when the going gets tough why do i reach for ice cream?

updates, a bit of a review, and a sour face

no, i still have not gone back to the pilates center, but i promise i will by next week.  call me a liar if i don't, i give you that opportunity. =D

i don't remember if i already 'fessed up about my trying out Xenical, but i did, since about a week or 2 ago.  i officially started it when the monthly thing started.  i was thinking since i'll be wearing pads, might as well hit 2 birds with one stone [he he, i'm grossing myself out, blechh]

true enough It [Xenical] did its thing and because i did not lay off on the oily and fatty food... you get it.

but it's too much work, having to change every so often, and the fear of you know what coming out of you know where is way too much added tension on my already stressful day.  so, i've decided that i'll only take It during that week in the month.  i don't know if it will still be effective but so far i'm liking what i'm seeing in the mirror.

what i've replaced it with is the new korean tea i'm drinking before going to bed at night, and my morning calamansi shot [15 squeezed, straight up].

the calamansi thing is an advise that i've been getting every so often from way back.  it resurfaced when my recently married friend said that she took 20 every morning and still ate regularly .  her whistle-worthy figure in her wedding dress [mind you, no corsets involved] was major motivation to try it out.  i'm on day 2 now and it's not as bad nor as mukhasim as you think.  try it, i'm starting with fifteen, on an empty stomach, not even water.  i'll move it up to 20 on monday.  undesirable side effects?  so far only one, no upset stomachs, no queasiness, just the super sour taste which will give you a super sour face for a few seconds.  drink up!

sour-faced girl borrowed from here

going over the top

oh yes!  i can scrap out project number 2 from my list of things to do.  i just bought 7 tops in less than 20 minutes this morning, while waiting for my rush i.d. pictures to be processed.  i've been planning to get my self some decent looking clothes but kept putting it off for fear of disappointment and frustration.

for those who are physique-cally challenged like me, you will get my apprehension.  so, nevermind if i made a huge hole in my already hole-ly pocket.  do you ever have 'its-not-my-day' days?  you know, those days when you try on more than a dozen shirts and blouses and nothing fits right or looks good even if you manage to get them past your shoulders or your chest?  i've got plenty of days like that.  so imagine the exhilaration i had when each and every single thing i put on looked good to me.  well, i'm still far from the figure i so long to have but atleast i will look a bit nice most of the time now.  i'll not have to wear the hubby's shirts anymore, thanks be!

i'm feeling gooooood.

i now spend a few minutes to prep my face before going out, i make sure to run a comb through my hair every now and then  and now i can stand tall and proud because my undies feel great and my outies look feminine and comfy at the same time.

now, i must get my lazy butt back to the center and renew my pilates program.  yipee!

starting from under

i think i tried on more than a dozen brassieres yesterday.  i finally had the courage to go on 'the-perfect-bra-for-me' hunt. my self-renovation project made me make 360 degree turn at how i dressed up.  before, i kept buying the cheap, shapeless clothes, including my undies.  now i realized that i can motivate myself even more if i dressed better.  so i decided to start from under.

i knew it was gonna take some time and effort so i braced myself for a lot of disappointments.  and yes a string of bras, many of which were either ill-fitting or did not even go past my shoulders made me want to explore going bra-less for once.

my first stop was triumph which was the most reasonably priced among the tried and tested ones.  alas, after many attempts i sadly shook my head at the oh-so-helpful saleslady.  they had everything else but my size, an 85c.

looking past ridiculously-priced maidenform, i checked out jockey.  i ended up buying plenty panties but still no bra for me.  even their sportsbra collection couldn't put up with my over-sized pair [please don't think i'm bragging.  if i could, i'd give away half of each bosom.  that's 4 years of back pain talking.

i was about to call it a disappointing day when i espied three buxom women chatting with the wacoal saleslady.  when i was young and vain, i made sure i had atleast a set of wacoal undies, i loved the fit and the girly lace they came in.  they were pricey but they were worth it.

this time though i checked out their t-shirt bra collection which were plain, no frills, no lace.  i happily discovered that there were no extra pads nor underwires.  i flipped it and gasped at the P1Kplus price.  but i was tempted to try it on.  maidenform costs twice as much, and their items don't even look half as good [the ones on display anyway].  so i went ahead and tried it on.  it couldn't have fit me more perfectly.  the best thing was it stayed put and didn't ride up my chest no matter how much i twisted and turned.

the wacoal lady confirmed that it was their bestselling style, she tipped me on how to launder it to make them last long.  so i finally discovered the secret of those chubby mommies who looked yummy instead of flabby.  thanks to my new wacoals, i no longer have to pull at my sides to adjust the fit every now and then.  its so comfy and soft but with a firm hold at the same time.

now on to my next project.  find the right fitting tops. tips on where to find them, anyone?

the lowdown on my CARNIPURE experience

because i heard and read a lot of rave reviews about it, i went ahead and bought a bottle of carnipure to help hasten my weight-loss.  i've finished that bottle, took it twice a day as recommended.  alas, i have not noticed any change.

if you google it, you will find out that it is primarily for people who are low on energy but a happy side-effect is it helps in your weight loss.  i checked out blogs about it and interviewed some friends who are taking it, and most reported dramatic weight loss saying that it makes 'going' in the morning, a breeze.

the thing is, the opposite happened to me.  well, not exactly the opposite as i did not gain back weight but my mornings have not been 'productive' .  what is worst is that i have gone back to not 'going' everyday.

so yes i am disappointed.  but i also will not gripe about it.  it's just one of those things that do not work for me [or my sister, and her hubby for that matter].

moving on, i've had some new discoveries that i'm now trying out.  one is in pill form and the other comes in a tea bag.  i'm trying out the tea first.  will report progress if there is any in about a week or two. =D

out with it!

since i'm off the wonder pill now, i'm outing it.

it's ZYTRIM and i took it in 10mg tablets, every morning [when i didn't forget], with or with-out breakfast.  i took it intermittently for about 5 months. Was it effective?  yes, for my purpose, it was.  Let me tell you about my relationship with ZYTRIM.


i was tired of yo-yo dieting.  i finally accepted that i will always love food and that i can't live with out rice, ever. and at that time i had no desire to do anything physical.  i just wanted to lose weight.  being asthmatic and possibly diabetic i was afraid to take pills.  Zytrim was my first.  It was recommended by my diet-pill-aficionado sister and was approved by my pulmonologist.


from the start i knew i was not going to be taking it forever.  i just wanted leverage.  something to jumpstart my 'self-reclamation' project.  and it served the purpose perfectly.  without dieting and exercise i lost 14 lbs. and i was not even taking it religiously, there were weeks when i had to stop because i was on other medications.

and i ate anything anytime.  one thing i noticed in the first month i was taking it was that i did not crave anything, i only ate when i was hungry, had no desire to continue eating when i was full, and i had to drink plenty water, i was always thirsty.

in the first two weeks i also experienced light-headedness and mild head-aches.  all these scary side-effects, which they stated in the pamphlet that comes with the 28-pill box, were gone after the first 2 weeks, just as it said.


so why did i stop?  cause it was getting too expensive already, around P65 per tablet, and i was not losing anymore weight on it.i didn't gain back the weight i lost too, which is very good.


i'm now doing Pilates, i plan to add some walking into my physical activities and am also taking CARNIPURE now.  i will write about it when i've taken it for at least a week already.


p.s.  i also stopped taking my nightly BIOFIT Tea routine.  i just couldn't take the daily rumbly and queasy tummy anymore.